IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have
different
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a different
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view
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views
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 on
wheather
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whether
 the
atitude
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attitude
altitude
 of
children
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 should be controlled by
parents
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 in the first stages of
life
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 or
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 need to be given more freedom in
life
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.
While
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 giving kids freedom is important I completely agree with the idea that
parents
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 should definitely control the behaviour of their kids. On the one hand,giving the privilege to
children
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 is somewhat important,as it establishes a sense of
independnece
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independence
 and can help them cope with the problems that come in
life
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 later on.When
children
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 are given the freedom to make their own choices
this
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 will alternatively teach them important lessons that will be beneficial in
life
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.
For instance
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,when
children
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 from a young age are given
the
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a
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 sense of independence in choice making they can easily cope with the stress of school
,
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apply
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and university and can make their own choices based on their
interest
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interests
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.
on the other hand
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,
i
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I
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 strongly
beleive
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believe
 that
parents
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 should establish boundaries on their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 behaviour,as miscontrolling their
behavoir
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behaviour
 could lead to the kid not knowing
whats
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what's
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 right or
whats
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what's
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 wrong,and
also
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 how to behave
infront
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in front
 of other people.for. example,a child could simply decide to not listen to their teachers when giving instructions or explaining and they could
also
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 be very disrespectful as they
werent
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weren't
were
 taught by their
parents
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 the morals of the behaviour.

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to add structure to your essay. This can help in summarizing your main points effectively.
logical structure
Improve on transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay. Use linking words or phrases effectively.
relevant specific examples
Enhance the explanation with more specific examples and details to fully support your points.
complete response
The essay addresses both views regarding parental control and freedom for children.
supported main points
The argument about the importance of independence for children is well-presented with supporting ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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