IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In many
Add a comma
counties,
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 the average of weight people is increasing,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as the level of their fitness. I think it is all because the amount of small businesses like coffee shops and restaurants is increasing, and
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the delivery companies.
According to
Linking Words
 the community, they are starting to create new cafes in terms of opening their own businesses. Most of them are producing pastries and cakes. Considering that huge
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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 are keen on delusional cuisine and desserts, they are not eating them
a
Change preposition
in a
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normal dose. Nowadays you can buy any dish wherever you are, which means that society
have
Change the verb form
has
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 no need to go outdoors and even get a plain walk to get a finger-licking meal. Relying on the increase of delivery companies popularity, the couriers are more than welcome to get each customer the food they wish.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 a lot of people just gave up on physical exercises and anything linked to sport.
For instance
Linking Words
 worker is exhausted going to the supermarket after a full-time job,
however
Linking Words
, he is extremely hungry. The only thing he would want
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is just to get his food and straight after that go to sleep,
according to
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 the scientist’s theory, consumers have to do a couple of exercises after they’ve had
a
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apply
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dinner. Because relying on their theory it is inactive
the
Correct article usage
apply
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and has a bad impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 society’s health and the aesthetic point of view. From my perspective, it is significantly important to have a healthy lifestyle and a balanced diet.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 it has a bad impact
to
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on
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 your health. Society has
to begin
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 to look after themselves and start to eat healthy food and do a bit of sport each day.

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coherence
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports the main argument with specific examples.
cohesion
Provide a clear introduction outlining the essay's main points and a conclusion summarizing the findings.
task
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to improve clarity.
task
The essay presents a clear problem with increasing weight and decreasing fitness levels.
coherence
Attempts to link causes such as the rise of cafes and delivery services to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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