IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

C.Children who are brought in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

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It is believed that
children
Use synonyms
 who are born in poor
families
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 need to prepare themselves for incoming adult
life
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 compared to those who are from financially equipped
families
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. I believe that no matter how family’s condition is, does not pre-determined how hard they are going to face once they become adults.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is no doubt that
children
Use synonyms
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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born
in
Change preposition
into
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 wealthy
families
Use synonyms
 have better future opportunities to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complications during their adulthood stage in terms of connections and networking, thanks to their hardworking parents. Their mother and father would likely be
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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employed in various notable high-paid jobs
such
Linking Words
 as executive sector or running a business. Logically, these careers that the parents are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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involved
would
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in would
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 likely have
a
Remove the article
apply
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better professional networking,
which
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in which
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 they would take the chance to suggest their
children
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to
Remove the particle
apply
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work with their friends’ companies with better pay, unlike those who are from
moderate income
Add a hyphen
moderate-income
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families
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.
However
Linking Words
, growing up
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a fortunate family
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 have consequences
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in terms of
life
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 survival and adaptability. Since they are raised properly with minimal money problems, they may not realize how difficult it is to earn money for raising a family.
Instead
Linking Words
, kids from unfortunate
families
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 have been exposed to these financial obstacles and
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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, increasing the awareness of the troubles that they might have in the future.
Besides
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
managing
such
Linking Words
 difficulties from a young age
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their adaptability and survival skills in encountering and dealing
uncertain
Change preposition
with uncertain
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 adult
life
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.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, whether being born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
financially
Correct article usage
a financially
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stabled
Correct word choice
stable
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 family or not does not completely determine how
ease
Correct your spelling
easy
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 the path
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being
adult
Add an article
an adult
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.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
Instead
Linking Words
, it is encouraged to teach
children
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to be resilient in dealing
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
with such
show examples
 unexpected
life
Use synonyms
 situations from now on.

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task achievement
Ensure to directly address the question in each paragraph to better demonstrate task achievement.
task achievement
Develop each main point with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical transitions between ideas for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Attempts to address both sides of the argument are evident.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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