IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather thatn regular subjects.

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Some people argue that
students
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 who want to learn and focus on what they want to learn
such
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 as baking or cooking in high
school
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.
However
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, I
frimly
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firmly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that high
school
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students
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 must master their regular
subjects
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 at
shool
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school
show examples
.
Firstly
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, regular
subjects
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 should be learned as mandatory ones, which can not be delayed or skipped. Those classes are basic and essential parts
to learn
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of learning
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 for everyone.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people who majored in arts or sports should take the lesson
of
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from
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 the
regualr
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regular
 curriculum.
Secondly
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, high
school
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students
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 are too young to decide their jobs. Not only
they
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do they
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 have few
opportunity
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opportunities
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of experiencing
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to experience
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 the world but
also
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 the chance
of expanding
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to expand
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thier
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their
 sight. Young people tend to explore the ware which looks easier than science or
mathmatics
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mathematics
. Practical and extra-curricular
subjects
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 seem
like
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apply
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less boring and more interesting to the
students
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.
Last
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 but not least,
subjects
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such
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 as cooking and baking can be taught not in
shools
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schools
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. There are a lot of academies which offer vocational classes to
students
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 or adults.
Students
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 can take the class during weekends or vacations.
To sum up
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,
while
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 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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stilll
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still
 a lot of controversy regarding the early
pursue
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pursuit
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 of vocational careers I highly recommend high
school
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students
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 mainly focus on their regular
subjects
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure consistency in argument. While some points against vocational study in high school are presented, they could be further substantiated.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repetition. Some points about young students being unable to decide their careers are echoed without providing new insight.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the writer’s stance on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
A logical structure is mostly followed, beginning with an introduction, followed by supporting points, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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