IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been argued that the ministry should invest finances to motivate
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 for school-aged students,
instead
Linking Words
 of patronizing
skilled-sportsman
Correct your spelling
skilled sportsman
show examples
 and
art
Use synonyms
 programs for
common
Correct article usage
the common
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 community. I agree with the statement because
children
Use synonyms
 are
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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future
Use synonyms
 of a
country
Use synonyms
 and if a person has
given
Add a missing verb
been given
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 training
sinse
Correct your spelling
since
 childhood he will become more skilled than others. To commence with, the
youner-ones
Correct your spelling
younger ones
 are the
future
Use synonyms
 of a nation as they will be leading
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 in
future
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, the ministry should focus on their
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 classes. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spend on the kids the outcome will be
more and long
Correct word choice
longer
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 as from
the
Correct article usage
a
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young-age
Correct your spelling
young age
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 they are into arts and
sports
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 and getting training .
Children
Use synonyms
lives
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live
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 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults
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 and from
very
Add an article
a very
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 young age they will start performing
hence
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the
Change the word
their
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 productivity will be mote
and
Correct word choice
apply
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for
long
Change the article
a long
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 time.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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children
Use synonyms
 will be leading after their
adults
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 in the upcoming time .
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 more on
children
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 to make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bright
future
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that
country
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 the more skilled they are the better
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 will be of a nation . Another reason is that if a person gets training from a young age he will be more skilled in that area because he
is
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 receiving classes
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 long
tumr
Correct your spelling
time
also
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 grasp more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 are in
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
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 stage their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 are growing so they
will
Verb problem
are
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 more likely to learn faster than
adults
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.
However
Linking Words
, professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
 already getting enough funding from many other areas
hence
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should focus on kids.
For instance
Linking Words
, Sachin Tendulkar an
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
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 cricketer
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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trained from childhood and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a very successful cricketer in his time-era.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that the administration should invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the development of
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 for
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
 students not
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
embracing professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 performance because
children
Use synonyms
 are
thr
Correct your spelling
the
future
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 if they get training from a young
agr
Correct your spelling
age
 they will be more skilled.

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task response
Ensure all parts of the task are fully addressed. While you have provided reasons for agreeing with the statement, consider briefly discussing the opposing viewpoint to show a balanced understanding.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more connectors and transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly. This will bring clarity and flow to your arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your argument.
content support
You included relevant examples to support your main points, such as the reference to Sachin Tendulkar, which strengthens your argument.
clarity of main idea
The central idea that investing in children's development can lead to a better future is presented clearly and consistently throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • physical health
  • creativity
  • teamwork skills
  • nurture young talents
  • excel
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural appreciation
  • extracurricular activities
  • socio-economic background
  • social inequality
  • profit-driven
  • allocated funds
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