IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the most controvirsal issues today
relating
Wrong verb form
relates
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 to how technology takes a lot of
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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times
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time
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,
leting thim
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leaving them
 with only
few
Correct article usage
a few
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hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
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 to do
there
Replace the word
their
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 homework. In my opinion, I
complitly
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completely
disagree, and I
well
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will
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disgusse
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discussed
disguise
discuss
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay the
critiria
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criteria
 that made me say that. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, there are people
how
Correct word choice
who
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argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that the advantages of the internet
outwieght
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outweigh
outweighed
outweighs
 its disadvantages. Computers and the social network
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 students search and find the
informations
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information
 they need,
as well as
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 it has
conictevity
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connectivity
feature
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features
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 which enhance their work.
For example
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, when I
was study
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was studying
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, I
rely
Wrong verb form
relied
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online resources to help me with my research,
also
Linking Words
 I was able to
attinde
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attend
attended
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 via
online
Add an article
an online
the online
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 platform.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parent
Add an article
the parent
a parent
show examples
 should
wach
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watch
 their
children
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 and they should put a limit
Change preposition
on hour
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hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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for
Change preposition
of
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 computer games, because if they do not
foucs
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focus
 on
there
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their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's use of the internet, they may use it for exploring
the
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apply
show examples
social media, chatting with their friends, and playing
vedio
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video
 games rather than studying. A second point is that, when
children
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 have their time managed, they will not suffer any difficulty at school, in
facts
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fact
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, they will learn time management
skill
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skills
show examples
. For
instans
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instance
, my mother used to give me only 2 hours in my
dy
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day
 for playing online, the rest
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 for
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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. In conclusion, technology as
it
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apply
show examples
is
concidered
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considered
good
Correct article usage
a good
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wepan
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weapon
,
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
is
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 a bad
wepan
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weapon
,
this
Linking Words
 is related to the person
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 using it. For
Use synonyms
children
Add a comma
children,
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 if they have not had someone look after
thim
Correct your spelling
them
 and
arranged
Wrong verb form
arrange
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thier schedual
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their schedule
,
then
Linking Words
 they may have difficulties
on
Change preposition
with
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 their
stadying
Correct your spelling
studying
staying
.

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language
Improve spelling and grammatical accuracy, especially with words like 'controversial', 'letting', 'criteria', 'discuss', 'advantages', 'outweigh', 'information', 'connectivity', 'focus', etc.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea, supporting it with examples. For example, the first paragraph can focus specifically on how technology aids education and the second on its potential distractions.
cohesion
Strengthen the coherence by using linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, however, in addition) more effectively to show the relationship between your ideas.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view, mentioning both benefits and drawbacks of technology use among children.
examples
You have included personal examples, which help illustrate your points and make the essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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