The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The growth in the number of overweight people has placed significant
pressure
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on
healthcare
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systems. They think integrating more physical education lessons into school programs would be an effective solution.
This
Linking Words
view is wrong, I disagree with
this
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idea.
Body paragraph 1
I guess that focusing on physical education in schools will not adequately reason for the problem.
Body paragraph 2
Body-1. Grandfather of medicine Gippokrat said, “We are what we eat”. It means about important problem of being overweight, diabetes and cardiovascular is our proper nutrition. The main reason for the
pressure
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on the
healthcare
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system is not about flaws only physical activity. It is just proper nutrition.
Conclusion
Body-2. Nowadays every pupil has their training in any sport outside of school. The issue with
pressure
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on the
healthcare
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system is not limited to school. Adults have placed significant
pressure
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on the
healthcare
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system. It means that the solution needs more scale of the initiative for all people.
moon2014angel
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coherence cohesion
Consider starting with a clear statement of your position and outlining the main points you will cover in your essay to enhance coherence in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Expand on your body paragraphs with more detailed explanation and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that you address counterarguments and provide a balanced view on the topic for a more comprehensive task response.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a critical approach by challenging the suggested solution to increase physical education in schools.
task achievement
The mention of Hippocrates adds an interesting historical perspective, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the influence of nutrition on health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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