Some argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from internet and be educated from home. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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In recent years, the internet has transformed how information is accessed, leading some to argue that traditional
schools
Use synonyms
are no longer essential since children can learn effectively from home.
While
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online education provides significant benefits, I believe
schools
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remain indispensable
due to
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their structured environment and the holistic development they offer to students.
To begin
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with, nowadays, getting online
lesson
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lessons
show examples
is convenient and affordable for children. Because, in the contemporary world the majority of people use social
platform
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platforms
show examples
or electronic devices.
Therefore
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, who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
to participate in
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online classes it is easy.
Also
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, many people live far from their
tutor
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tutors
show examples
or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have sufficient
time
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for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in the traffic jam. Living in
the
Correct article usage
a
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crowdy
Correct your spelling
crowded
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city takes a lot of
time
Use synonyms
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic conjunction. Attending
this
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type of course
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
have comfortable for them.
Instead
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of wasting
time
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the commute, participators can save their valuable
time
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and
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
arrange
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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work.
Moreover
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, in the
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,
show examples
some of them suggest affordable courses
as well as
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
are cheaper than offline.
For instance
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, in the Udemy
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
can easily see which lessons they need.
On the other hand
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, Sometimes online
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
might be challenges for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
hence
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, they can face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
network
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
within connection.
Therefore
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, despite
to join
Change the verb form
joining
show examples
virtual
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
some of them choice face to face. They suppose
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
being in the class is important to see or to discuss with
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
. Some of them think offline
clases
Correct your spelling
classes
are not interactive
furthermore
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, it is advantageous
due to
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socialization. In conclusion,
while
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online education offers convenience, affordability, and flexibility, it cannot entirely replace traditional
schools
Use synonyms
.
Schools
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provide a structured environment and opportunities for direct interaction with teachers and peers, which are vital for effective learning and social development.
Therefore
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, both online and offline education have their merits, but
schools
Use synonyms
remain essential for a well-rounded educational experience.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence to enhance the logical flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
task achievement
The argument acknowledges both sides of the issue, demonstrating a balanced viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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