IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advances in science and technology have contributed to various environmental problems. Some people suggest that adopting a simpler lifestyle would help preserve the environment, while others maintain that scientific and technological solutions can resolve these issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary world, new
innovation
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innovations
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 and
development
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developments
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology have contributed to many
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues. Certain groups of
people
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 are of the opinion that if
people
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 enjoy
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
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 lifestyle
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
environment
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the environment
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 can be preserved
while
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believe
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believing
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 that scientific and technological solutions can resolve the problem. In
this
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 essay, I shall discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 support that if they live
simple
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a simple
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 lifestyle that could help our
environment
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.
For example
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, if individuals start using public transport and
bicycle
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bicycles
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 that could cut down air pollution which will help
people
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to
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apply
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breath
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breathe
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 in the fresh air.
Moreover
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, in
this
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fast moving
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fast-moving
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world
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world,
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 we can not sacrifice some needs like
Cellphones
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cell phones
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, Air
conditioner
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conditioners
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 and Microwave. If
people
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 will
secrifice
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sacrifice
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this modern technology devices
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this modern technology device
these modern technology devices
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then
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 not only they could save money on electricity bills but
also
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many technological solutions by which we can resolve
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environment
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environmental
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 issues.
Firstly
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, In many nations around the world, big brands like Tesla, TATA and Toyota
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been consistently working on renewable
source
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sources
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 of energy like electric
vehicle
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vehicles
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 which can decrease
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
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pollutions
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pollution
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.
However
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, the authorities should
also
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 motivate
people
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 to give preference to electric
vehicle
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vehicles
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 than
vehicle
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vehicles
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 running on Gas or Diesel.
Moreover
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,
scientist
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scientists
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 have discovered
alternative
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alternatives
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of
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to
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 plastic
straw
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straws
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 and Cups. They have introduced paper straws and Recyclable cups which can
be easily decompose
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be easily decomposed
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is true that if start living simple life
then
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people
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 can help
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. I believe that modern
scientist
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scientists
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 have made significant discoveries by which we can protect
owr
Correct your spelling
our
environment
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 but the authorities
needs
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need
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 to spread awareness among
public
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the public
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument equally and provide a clear opinion. Your essay tends to lean slightly more towards the technological solutions, which can make the balance less clear.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate on your examples to clearly connect them with your points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence variety and complexity to enhance the coherence of arguments within paragraphs. You could use more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You correctly presented an introductory paragraph with a thesis statement and a conclusion that summarises your discussion.
task achievement
Good use of examples such as Tesla and the use of paper straws to illustrate your points. They help in making your arguments more specific and tangible.
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