IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national holidays such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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In many nations, governments and citizens spend a large portion of their budgets on
celebrations
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,
such
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 as international and religious holidays. I partially agree with
this
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 statement. It is true that many people and the government spend a lot of
money
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,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 New Year
celebrations
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 often involve high expenses. Families allocate large sums of
money
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 for decorations, festive meals, fireworks and activities for entertainment during the holidays. Governments
also
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 spend huge budgets for public events , like concerts and fireworks displays.
Additionally
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, New Year's trees are
also
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 placed and decorated in different locations, including city squares , shopping centres and homes,
making
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apply
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to create a festive atmosphere.
While
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 these days create joy , they can be considered a waste of
money
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.
However
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,
celebrations
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also
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 have positive sites. They bring people close ,
allow
Correct word choice
and allow
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 families to spend time happily together. Despite
this
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, there is another essential point - individuals do not allocate as much
on
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to
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 religious festivals. They usually celebrate in a more modest and meaningful way. Unlike Christmas, religious festivals do not typically involve spending on decorations or entertainment. In conclusion,
while
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 significant amounts of
money
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 are spent on New Year
celebrations
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, including decorations, fireworks, and entertainment, religious festivals tend to be celebrated in a simpler and more meaningful way.
Although
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 excessive spending on festivities can sometimes be unnecessary, these
celebrations
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 play an important role in bringing people together and creating a joyful atmosphere.

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task achievement
Clarify the thesis statement to establish the stance at the beginning more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to enhance flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially about religious festivals.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by partially agreeing with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
The essay includes both positive and negative aspects, showing a comprehensive understanding.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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