IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (15/16 years) (for example for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is highly
avknowledged
Correct your spelling
acknowledged
 that
involing
Correct your spelling
involving
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 volunteering
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 should
Add a missing verb
be mandotory
show examples
mandotory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 for high school.
While
Linking Words
 I partly agree because participating
Change preposition
in
show examples
free chores
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 several
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
, it
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks for learners. On
rhe
Correct your spelling
the
 one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational systems
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to engage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their students
to attend
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in volunteering jobs
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning
as well as
Linking Words
 other duties without not being paid in order
go
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 enhance
Add an article
the
show examples
image of
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
 area or
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 centres. If pupils participate
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
akind
Correct your spelling
a kind
kind
 of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
, it not only
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 their
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
teachs
Correct your spelling
teaches
teachers
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 deal with any kind of challenges which they may come across in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 helping others , they can
intract
Correct your spelling
interact
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other which is impossible during lessons.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
compell
Correct your spelling
compels
 them
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 responsible and
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 skill.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools include their
curriculm
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 doing community service.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 constructs
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
, students
sre
Correct your spelling
are
 willing to give
helping
Correct article usage
a helping
show examples
 hand and support them with
contribution
Add an article
the contribution
a contribution
show examples
 of their deeds.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend had merits , it
also
Linking Words
 offers
demirits
Correct your spelling
demerits
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, being engaged in
such
Linking Words
 a kind of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 can have
potential
Change the word
potentially
show examples
 dire repercussions for pupils. When they participate
prossess
Correct your spelling
process
 of repairment or carry any heavy materials, they may face
Add an article
an accident
show examples
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
. If
pupil
Add an article
a pupil
the pupil
show examples
 is
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fragile and weak , they can damage or break some parts of
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it would be a good idea if they concentrate only
acquire
Wrong verb form
on acquiring
show examples
 knowledge,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending their
quslity
Correct your spelling
quality
 time
to help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
participation of students in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community services is banned.
Instead
Linking Words
 of it they encourage learners to stay
extra
Change preposition
in extra
show examples
 classes to expand their knowledge. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conculusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
acting community services allow
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 number
Correct your spelling
of
og
Correct your spelling
of
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 It helps children to
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 liable,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 tren has some negative effect on pupils including disrupt their concentration and
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to some potential health issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on making your arguments clearer and more logically structured. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from editing for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to errors.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both sides of the argument regarding compulsory community service for high school students, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
There's a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body, and a partial conclusion. This shows an awareness of essay structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: