IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Consumer behavior has changed considerably in recent years due to technology. In what ways does affect consumer activities such as shopping? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is an undeniable fact that e-commerce has been significantly developed thanks to advanced technology.
While
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 there are a lot of arguments about the pros and cons of consumer activities affected by tech, I firmly believe that disadvantages to consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Nowadays, it is common
that
Correct word choice
for
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people
Use synonyms
prefer
Fix the infinitive
to prefer
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 to shop online
instead
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 of going
at
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to
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 a store. It is much easier for consumers to compare products and check other’s reviews than before.
Moreover
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, products vary from fresh vegetables to house appliances.
For instance
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, in Korea, there is an online service which is called ‘Rocket
Delivery
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’ meaning that they can receive stuff within 12 hours right after they put
an
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in an
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 order, just as fast as
rocket
Capitalize word
Rocket
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.
Nevertheless
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, I do not think
this
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 development in shopping only carries a bright side.
Firstly
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, it is inevitable to avoid producing tons of packaging waste,
such
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 as boxes, tapes or air caps. Even though a lot of e-commerce companies are struggling to deal with these issues, not all the materials for packaging
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 eco-friendly.
Secondly
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, because of the high competition in
delivery
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 services, the
delivery
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people
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’s workload is getting too heavy.
For example
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, there was an incident
that
Change preposition
in
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one
Correct pronoun usage
which one
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delivery
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 man passed out during the peak season to reduce the transit time. To meet the service quality of demanding customers, a lot of
delivery
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people
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 are under pressure.
To sum up
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, it is true that
people
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 take advantage of excellent online service in terms of shopping.
However
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, there are serious problems
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive packing and the heavy workload of
delivery
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses both parts of the task.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the advantages to present a balanced view since the question asks about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as 'Rocket Delivery' in Korea, effectively supports your arguments.
task achievement
You successfully address both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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