IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

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In the past, the upbringing of the
children
Use synonyms
 took place in rural areas,
this
Linking Words
 was true for the vast majority of the population. As cities grew larger, a new dichotomy was presented owing to the fact that
children
Use synonyms
 in urbanized areas deal with different circumstances than those raised in the countryside. The way I see it, it is more convenient that, in order to
Add the particle
rise to
show examples
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 raise a child, parents should prioritize the ease of access to the services provided in the
city
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay pretends to discuss that in
further
Linking Words
 detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
, several points can be made to counterattack counter the argument of kids growing up in the
city
Use synonyms
, many of them are only
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
 around the exposure to diverse cultures and a more open mindset, that
Linking Words
accordingly
Correct your spelling
according
show examples
 to detractors, is imposed
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on our youngsters when they spend most of their lives in the
city
Use synonyms
. It is my opinion that
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a conservative point of view that tends to prioritize culture over safety
comfort
Correct word choice
and comfort
show examples
. Services
such
Linking Words
 as drinking water, internet, electricity and public transportation are barely found in small distant towns and can be perceived as a necessity for most of us.
Besides
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, I utterly believe that having a tertiary care
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 nearby should be more relevant rather than being bothered by the fact that my
children
Use synonyms
 coexist with different ways of thinking. than mine. I present
this
Linking Words
 example because highlights that
this
Linking Words
 is a particular concern among many conservatives, politically speaking.
However
Linking Words
, I respect
this
Linking Words
 approach
although
Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
 something that I personally do not share.
Secondly
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, I’m totally convinced it is no doubt that the
city
Use synonyms
 represents a great opportunity to learn values, empathy is one of
such
Linking Words
, as we are not only surrounded by people that are of
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the same socio-economic background as us.
Moreover
Linking Words
, kids can get to amaze themselves with marvellous and sophisticated pieces of architecture that we normally are not accustomed to seeing in rural areas, apart from historical buildings. Our
infants
Change to a genitive case
infant's
infants'
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offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 should be given the opportunity to see the world and feed their creativity with new paradigms that, for the most part, are not found in small towns far away from the
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 of thinking of humankind from civilization. In conclusion, I support the education of
children
Use synonyms
 in big cities because of the aforementioned reasons,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 I strongly defend. For me, having the resources needed to secure the safety of our sons and daughters
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 of more value than implanting my personal beliefs at the same time that I isolate them from the exterior.

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task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, consider expanding on specific examples to illustrate each point more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to improve coherence and cohesion. Consider using more linking words to enhance transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Address counterarguments more thoroughly to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, which is supported throughout the text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion nicely reiterates the main points.
task achievement
The essay thoughtfully considers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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