IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled ?

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Obesity is a growing problem in modern societies, it is important to understand how
this
Linking Words
 problem is affecting us,
according to
Linking Words
 WHS,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 one of the countries with more than a million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with
this
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 condition.
During
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 it will show the reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the rise and how
this
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 can be tackled.
Firstly
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, big cities
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 the same way to work,
people
Use synonyms
 don’t have enough time to make their own
food
Use synonyms
, so, for that reason they are forced to eat out of home and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that moment
people
Use synonyms
 prefer inexpensive fast
food
Use synonyms
 options
due to
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 an aggressive marketing, but, in the publicity is never mentioned that the main components are high-calorie, high sugar and unhealthy fats.
For example
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, in
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of restaurants that
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 hamburgers, hot
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
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 or pizza
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing.
Secondly
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, the lack of physical activity
due to
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 long working hours
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 making
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
modern
societies
Change noun form
society's
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people
Use synonyms
 tend to lead sedentary lifestyles and
this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 is being copied by children because of the increased reliance on technology.
For instance
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,
those
Change preposition
in those
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 days children prefer to stay at home in front of going out to play with friends.
To conclude
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, to tackle obesity is necessary that governments implement policies to increase
food
Use synonyms
labeling
Change the spelling
labelling
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, regulate
food
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 advertising and encourage through marketing the consumption of healthier
food
Use synonyms
 and physical activity. Like in Bogota, every weekend
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
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 many events to promote exercise,
also
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,
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a recent law all the processed foods are labelled, and the marketing was regulated especially for children.

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relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on your examples. While you provided an example of fast food availability, offering more specific data or case studies could strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to further develop some of your ideas, such as the influence of technology on sedentary lifestyles. Providing additional details or exploring the topic from different angles will enhance your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
complete response
You successfully address the task by explaining both the reasons for obesity's rise and offering solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • processed foods
  • high-calorie
  • fast food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • comfort eating
  • food labeling
  • food advertising
  • subsidizing
  • active commuting
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional counseling
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