IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries have introduced a law to limit working for employees. Why is the law introduced? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, the rule that limits employees to work has appeared because of the risks
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 overworking. I firmly believe that
this
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 is beneficial development since
this
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 increases
health
Use synonyms
 rates and mitigates demographic problems in many countries. First of all, a significant number of workers prefer to do overtime
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 in order to earn more money
while
Linking Words
 worsening their
health
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, the regulation that does not allow
people
Use synonyms
 to spend additional hours in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 positively affects
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
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 mental and physical
health
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 by providing additional free time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For example
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, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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 there is a new profession
that is
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 aimed to send
people
Use synonyms
 to their homes after a shift to deal with overworking and
health
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 problems in the country.
Additionally
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, in recent years because of
creation
Correct article usage
the creation
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 of
this
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 job,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 suffered from
burning out
Verb problem
burnout
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 and obesity.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 law is an effective way to solve demographic issues in developed countries because individuals prefer to achieve high salaries
instead
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 of making
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
, which is why
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
 rate has a decreasing rate in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 nations. To illustrate,
according to
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 a recent
study
Add a comma
study,
show examples
 the birth rate in Japan in 2024 decreased not as significantly as in 2019, so
in
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on
show examples
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
istead
Correct your spelling
instead
 of only one
children
Change to a singular noun
child
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 per family five years ago,
now
Correct word choice
and now
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 two.
Threfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 limit is one of the best ways to give
people
Use synonyms
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to create families.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
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 of the
low
Correct your spelling
law
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 that restricts
people
Use synonyms
 from overworking is an effective method to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
demographic problems around the world by encouraging citizens to make families.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 helps individuals to find enough space to
Add a missing verb
be concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about their
health
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to improve clarity, e.g., correct phrases like 'overworking and health problems' to 'overworking-related health problems.'
development
Clarify and develop arguments with clearer transitions between points. For example, explain how the reduction in birth rates is linked to overwork more explicitly.
structure
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as Japan's method to combat overworking, effectively supports the main ideas.
conclusion
A well-rounded conclusion summarizes the main points and opinion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • job opportunities
  • fair labor practices
  • exploitation
  • societal well-being
  • legislation
  • workforce
  • employee health
  • stress reduction
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