Some countries have introduced a law to limit working for employees. Why is the law introduced? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, the rule that limits employees to work has appeared because of the risks
from
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of

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overworking. I firmly believe that
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is beneficial development since
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

increases
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rates and mitigates demographic problems in many countries. First of all, a significant number of workers prefer to do overtime
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs

It seems that job may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in order to earn more money
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

worsening their
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Hence
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, the regulation that does not allow
people
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to spend additional hours in
office
Correct article usage
the office

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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positively affects
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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mental and physical
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by providing additional free time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs

It seems that job may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
For example
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, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in Japan. Consider adding a comma.

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there is a new profession
that is
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aimed to send
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to their homes after a shift to deal with overworking and
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

problems in the country.
Additionally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in recent years because of
creation
Correct article usage
the creation

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

job,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer

It appears that the quantifier less does not fit with the countable noun people. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

suffered from
burning out
Verb problem
burnout

There may be a verb use issue here.

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and obesity.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

law is an effective way to solve demographic issues in developed countries because individuals prefer to achieve high salaries
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of making
family
Correct article usage
a family

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, which is why
birth
Add an article
the birth

The noun phrase birth rate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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rate has a decreasing rate in
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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nations. To illustrate,
according to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a recent
study
Add a comma
study,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase according to a recent study. Consider adding a comma.

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the birth rate in Japan in 2024 decreased not as significantly as in 2019, so
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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avarage
Correct your spelling
average

If you don’t want avarage to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

istead
Correct your spelling
instead

If you don’t want istead to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of only one
children
Change to a singular noun
child

The singular quantifier one is followed by the plural noun children. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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per family five years ago,
now
Correct word choice
and now

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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two.
Threfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore

If you don’t want Threfore to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
working
Correct article usage
a working

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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limit is one of the best ways to give
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

freedom
Add an article
the freedom

The noun phrase freedom seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to create families.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction

The noun phrase introduction seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of the
low
Correct your spelling
law

The word low doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that restricts
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from overworking is an effective method to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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demographic problems around the world by encouraging citizens to make families.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

helps individuals to find enough space to
Add a missing verb
be concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned

The word concern doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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about their
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to improve clarity, e.g., correct phrases like 'overworking and health problems' to 'overworking-related health problems.'
development
Clarify and develop arguments with clearer transitions between points. For example, explain how the reduction in birth rates is linked to overwork more explicitly.
structure
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as Japan's method to combat overworking, effectively supports the main ideas.
conclusion
A well-rounded conclusion summarizes the main points and opinion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • job opportunities
  • fair labor practices
  • exploitation
  • societal well-being
  • legislation
  • workforce
  • employee health
  • stress reduction
What to do next:
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