Some countries have introduced a law to limit working for employees. Why is the law introduced? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, the rule that limits employees to work has appeared because of the risks
from
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of
show examples
overworking. I firmly believe that
this
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is beneficial development since
this
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increases
health
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rates and mitigates demographic problems in many countries. First of all, a significant number of workers prefer to do overtime
job
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jobs
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in order to earn more money
while
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worsening their
health
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.
Hence
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, the regulation that does not allow
people
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to spend additional hours in
office
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the office
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positively affects
humans
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humans'
human's
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mental and physical
health
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by providing additional free time
job
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jobs
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.
For example
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, in
Japan
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Japan,
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there is a new profession
that is
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aimed to send
people
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to their homes after a shift to deal with overworking and
health
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problems in the country.
Additionally
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, in recent years because of
creation
Correct article usage
the creation
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of
this
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job,
less
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fewer
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people
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suffered from
burning out
Verb problem
burnout
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and obesity.
Moreover
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,
this
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law is an effective way to solve demographic issues in developed countries because individuals prefer to achieve high salaries
instead
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of making
family
Correct article usage
a family
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, which is why
birth
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the birth
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rate has a decreasing rate in
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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nations. To illustrate,
according to
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a recent
study
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study,
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the birth rate in Japan in 2024 decreased not as significantly as in 2019, so
in
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on
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avarage
Correct your spelling
average
istead
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instead
of only one
children
Change to a singular noun
child
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per family five years ago,
now
Correct word choice
and now
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there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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two.
Threfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
working
Correct article usage
a working
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limit is one of the best ways to give
people
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freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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to create families.
To conclude
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,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
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of the
low
Correct your spelling
law
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that restricts
people
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from overworking is an effective method to tackle
with
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apply
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demographic problems around the world by encouraging citizens to make families.
Furthermore
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,
this
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helps individuals to find enough space to
Add a missing verb
be concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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about their
health
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.

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to improve clarity, e.g., correct phrases like 'overworking and health problems' to 'overworking-related health problems.'
development
Clarify and develop arguments with clearer transitions between points. For example, explain how the reduction in birth rates is linked to overwork more explicitly.
structure
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as Japan's method to combat overworking, effectively supports the main ideas.
conclusion
A well-rounded conclusion summarizes the main points and opinion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • job opportunities
  • fair labor practices
  • exploitation
  • societal well-being
  • legislation
  • workforce
  • employee health
  • stress reduction
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