IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.Some people believe that the most important aspect of their job is their salary. Others think that the job itself is the most important. What do you think is the most important aspect of a job? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

One
Use synonyms
 of the main
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
 when taking a
job
Use synonyms
 offer is whether or not the pay
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 enough for living.
This
Linking Words
 is true
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who have family, but several
people
Use synonyms
 especially fresh
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 don't think
this
Linking Words
 is true. I think
this
Linking Words
 problem is more related to the mindset of several
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of individuals rather than a general thing. Every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own goal towards life and
one
Use synonyms
 of the key things that
people
Use synonyms
 need
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 money.
This
Linking Words
 is true
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for the older generation that already
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a family. They need money to eat
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, pay the bills, or explore hobbies.
This
Linking Words
 is different from recent
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 that does not have
dependent
Fix the agreement mistake
dependents
show examples
. Another thing to mention is that older
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 much more experience of work and
worth
Add a missing verb
are worth
show examples
 more,
thus
Linking Words
 they often request a higher salary. I think
this
Linking Words
 is why
one
Use synonyms
 group of
people
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 think they need to make more money. Young
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
, need more experience from work. They need to learn and explore as much as they can. Most of them tend to focus more on pursuing their ideal
job
Use synonyms
 rather than choosing the highest-paying
job
Use synonyms
 available on the market.
This
Linking Words
 is especially true for me
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the first thing that I see when applying
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 as a fresh graduate is to see the main responsibility and possible impact on my country. In conclusion, we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 say
one
Use synonyms
 aspect is more important than
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
, because we need to see in
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. Whether we pursue a career with impactful
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 or we just want to get the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 salary whatever the
job
Use synonyms
 is.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on refining the flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and try to maintain clarity in explaining the differences among groups. Use linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'Furthermore' to enhance flow.
task achievement
For task achievement, clarify the argument by providing more detailed examples. When discussing both groups (new graduates and older workers), explain their viewpoints in more depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a relevant conclusion, which strengthen the task response and cohesion.
task achievement
The argument recognizes differences in perspective between older and younger generations, which is a thoughtful approach toward the prompt.
task achievement
There are insightful reflections on the impact of a job, referencing personal connection to job responsibilities.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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