IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that too much money and time have been allocated to scientific research. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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We live
are
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apply
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on a small planet in
this
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 vast universe. New discoveries
unfolds
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unfold
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 new
mystries
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mysteries
 of
this
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 world and
scienctific
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scientific
 discoveries require
resources
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 like time and money. I totally disagree with the idea of
over investment
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over-investment
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 of
resources
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 in science. Investment in science is a
long term
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long-term
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 investment to find new sustainable sources of
energy
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as well as
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cure
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cures
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 for illnesses which are uncurable today.
To begin
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 with, the
energy
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resources
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 we have today are fossil fuels, coal and, nuclear
energy
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. All these sources of
energy
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 have some form of environmental effect.
For example
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, Burning
of
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apply
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fossil fuels like
patrol
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petrol
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 emit
carbondioxide
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carbon dioxide
 which his
harmfull
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harmful
for
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to
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 the ozone layer of the Earth. Since,
ozone
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the ozone
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 layer
act
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acts
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 as a UV protector, damaging it could cause
surge
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a surge
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 in skin cancer among different life
form
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forms
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 on the Earth.
Thus
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, providing more
resources
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 to scientific organisations could help
finding
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find
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 a
relible
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reliable
 resource of
energy
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.
However
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, it is not possible if sufficient funding is not available.
Furthermore
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,
Disease
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Diseases
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 like cancer
is
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are
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 hard to eradicate
due to
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 the incapability of human understanding about cancer and there are
nurmerous
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numerous
 other diseases which are not curable with current human
knowlege
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knowledge
.
For instance
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, In 2020 covid-19 virus
spreaded
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spread
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 all around the world and governments
were
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apply
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paniced
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panicked
 about the whole situation.
However
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, Scientists were trying to find an antidote for the virus and found it after a year. If sufficient funding was not provided to research
virus's
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the virus's
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 antidote there could be more
casualities
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casualties
. In conclusion, It is human nature to be curious about things which are out of our control and work toward making it in our control. Whether it is about finding a cure for a disease or a sustainable mode of
energy
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 both require time and money.

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task response
While your essay provides a strong argument against the statement, it could benefit from a more nuanced view. You might consider acknowledging the arguments of those who feel too much is spent on scientific research and then countering them, to fully engage with different perspectives.
task response
Try to develop and explain your points more comprehensively. For example, your point on energy could further elaborate on potential sustainable solutions being researched.
task response
Be more specific with examples. In your discussion about cancer and scientific research for cures, provide concrete examples of how research funding has directly led to breakthroughs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is generally clear, but some paragraphs could better logically flow into each other. Consider using transition sentences to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay could improve its coherence by delving deeper into how the examples provided directly relate to the thesis statement. Ensure each paragraph clearly aligns with your position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for the argument that follows. This is a strong aspect of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively wraps up your arguments and reiterates the importance of scientific research. It leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your perspective.
task response
You have chosen relevant topics under technological advancements and medical research to support your argument, which lends credibility to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocated
  • advancements
  • innovative
  • initial costs
  • global challenges
  • resilience
  • sustainability
  • knowledge dissemination
  • opportunity cost
  • poverty alleviation
  • balancing funding priorities
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