IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The given bar chart illustrates the
percentage
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 of Australians belonging to different
age
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 brackets that engaged in regular exercise in 2010. The chart reveals that women participated in more regular exercise than men in all
age
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 groups except the
age
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group
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 15-24,
where as
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whereas
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, males were more physically productive than females, at 52.8%. The
percentage
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in
Change preposition
of
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 males began to decrease from here going as down as 39.5% in the
age
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group
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 35-44.
Whereas
Linking Words
, for
females
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females,
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 the
age
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group
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 with the highest
percentage
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 of participation in exercise is 45-54, at 53.3% and the lowest
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 in the
age
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group
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 65 and over, at 47.1%.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 the males'
percentage
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 being 46.7% wasn't much lower than that of females'

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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