New technology have changed the way children free time do you think the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantage

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With the enhancement in technology, the way of people
live
Change the verb form
lives
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change
Wrong verb form
changed
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significantly. in the past decades,
children
Use synonyms
spent their Leisure
Time
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for
Change preposition
apply
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playing with their friends;
however
Linking Words
, nowadays they spend on video games and cell phones.
this
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essay will explain the disadvantages of
this
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Revolution
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more than its advantages.
Firstly
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, offsprings
has
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have
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less interest to do any physical activities because they like to spend their
time
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with technology,
such
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as mobiles, laptops and digital games.
consequently
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, it has a negative impact on their physical health.
For example
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, a recent survey conducted in India shows that the cases of obesity
inclined
Verb problem
increased
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dramatically in juveniles. the main cause found during
survey
Add an article
the survey
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is less physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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.
Secondly
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,
children
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who spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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more
time
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on screen are easy to put some adverse health problems
such
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as
color
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colour
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blindness, weak eyesight and some mental issues. using a cell phone for a long
time
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is
also
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one of the
reason
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reasons
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that
children
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prefer to live alone. They do not like to communicate with others,
due to
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which they face
problem
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problems
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to talk
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talking
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in the later phase of Life at work.
However
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, every coin has two sides; so
this
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trend has some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
also
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. the main advantage of
this
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is it
develop
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develops
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cognitive skills in youngsters,
such
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as
they
Correct your spelling
the
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use
critical
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of critical
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thinking, Focus,
well-planned
Correct word choice
and well-planned
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ideas to play any game. by which they are more confident to handle any situation.
To conclude
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,
Correct pronoun usage
I nodoubt
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nodoubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
there is a bundle of the worst effects of Taco Bell on
children
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but they can take advantage of these items to develop their
soft-skills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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if they use these gadgets for
limited
Add an article
a limited
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time
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Ensure consistency in subject-verb agreements and tense usage. For instance, 'with the enhancement in technology, the way of people live change significantly' should be 'with the enhancement in technology, the way people live has changed significantly.'
task response
The essay should address both advantages and disadvantages with a balanced approach. This would show a more well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence
Make use of linking words and phrases to ensure seamless flow and connectivity between ideas and paragraphs.
task response
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, addressing both advantages and disadvantages.
structure
A structured introduction and conclusion are evident, allowing for clarity in the overall argument.
examples
The essay provides specific examples, such as the survey conducted in India, to support arguments, enhancing its relevance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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