ome people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our modern day and age, people use mobile phones for daily
actvitities
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activities

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staring
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starting

The word staring doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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with
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from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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communicating with others to carrying
our
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out

The word our doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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work meetings and
on-line
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online

The word on-line doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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banking. It is argued by some that for
saftey
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safety

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reasons governments should
moniter thier
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monitor their

The words moniter thier seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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phones,
while
Linking Words

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others believe
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is a
vilaotion
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violation

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of privacy. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
essay,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will discuss these two
presepevtives
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perspectives

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and give my opinion.
Undoubtbley
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Undoubtedly

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governemnts
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governments
government

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should not hold back on any measure to ensure their national
secuirity
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security

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, direct monitoring and
sencorship
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censorship

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is a violation of their
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'

It appears that the word citizens should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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freedom which
lead
Change the verb form
leads

The plural verb lead does not appear to agree with the singular subject freedom. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to subsequent loss of trust and division.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
Chines
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Chinese

The word Chines doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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government has direct observership on its citizens' online and cell phone activities.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most people tend to use VPNs and
third party
Add a hyphen
third-party

It seems that third party is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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websites to protect their personal online
intercations
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interactions
interaction

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. For these reasons,
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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should seek other measures
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as user authentication or
biomertric
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biometric

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regierstations
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registrations

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to strengthen
thier
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their

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cyber security rather than direct
sencorship
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censorship

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. Most
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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exchanges
Add an article
the exchanges

The phrase Most of exchanges may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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on mobile phones are
persoanl
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personal

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, intimate
intercations
Correct your spelling
interactions
interaction

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which people do not need to justify or explain.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, authorities
be
Wrong verb form
are

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb be. Consider changing it.

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able to request
an
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, an, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun access in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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access to confidential, personal
infromation
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information

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in
certine
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certain

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circumstances
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
terroerist
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terrorist
terrorism

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attcks
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attacks

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or to
inqure
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inquire

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evidence
Change preposition
about evidence

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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in legal trials.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

access should be only
grandted
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granted

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after issuing a
warent
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warrant

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from a courthouse and informing the person
involoved
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involved

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. Implementing
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

practice prevent will
misuses
Fix the agreement mistake
misuse

It seems that misuses may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
sesnetive
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sensitive

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data by authority figures and
invesitigators
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investigators

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. In Conclusion, phone calls and messages are an
initamte
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intimate
initiate

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exchanges. Governments should
notopen
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not open

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access to
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

data. They should focus on other tools to
imporove
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improve

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thier
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their

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saftey
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safety

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measures.

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Grammar and Accuracy
Work on improving grammatical accuracy in spelling and sentence structures, especially common words and phrases.
Task Development
Further expand on certain ideas, giving more depth and details to arguments.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion clearly state and summarize the main arguments of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the topic, providing a balanced view.
Use of Examples
Relevant examples are included to illustrate points, such as the use of VPNs in China.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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