IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65, but some want to keep working as long as they can. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give you own opinion and relevant examples.

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It appears that
todays
Correct your spelling
today
 individuals
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 retire at the
age
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 60 to 65, but certain of them want to keep working as long as they can is a controversial issue. These are benefit development,
where as
Correct word choice
which
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussed
be discussing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay below. On the one hand, one of the most obvious advantages side of people working in
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
 of their life. On top of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 if old citizens were always productive all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, It would allow
Correct article usage
the eldery
show examples
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 to
avoided
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being elsinemer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the employer would not have to trend a new staff and
this
Linking Words
 worker may have more experience and more loyalty to
Correct article usage
the develop
show examples
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 company than a
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 graduated job seeker.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 the companies would get high
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study from
Faculty
Correct article usage
the Faculty
show examples
 of Economics at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 U.S. elderly tend to
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
go to
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 if they
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 employed in their occupations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the retirement populations retiring at
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 benefits improvement.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
is used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 hard physical body
movement
Fix the agreement mistake
movements
show examples
 of
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 as firer
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to destroy
muscular
Correct article usage
the muscular
show examples
 body before their
age
Use synonyms
. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
,
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 may have less time to stay with families. Some of them might would like to spend time at home with their children. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, a survey recently conducted by the New York Times reveals that two-thirds of
Americans
Replace the word
American
show examples
 people possess a higher chance to be with families than still continue going to work. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, I suggest that
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 citizens should
retirement not higher
Verb problem
retire
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 at 65 to spend time
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
last
Linking Words
 path of life,
then
Linking Words
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should force
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 to cope with
this
Linking Words
 problem to balance between
Correct article usage
the helathy
show examples
helathy
Correct your spelling
health
 and living money of
elders
Correct article usage
the elders
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops one clear idea to improve logical structuring.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar for clarity and precision.
coherence cohesion
Make connections between ideas clearer for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, offering a clear structure.
task achievement
The writer attempts to address both positive and negative sides of the issue, covering the prompt requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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