IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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It is a well-known fact that instilling a sense of
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 and teaching
cooperation
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
’s lives.
However
Linking Words
, whether competition and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 or not has become
hotly
Correct article usage
a hotly
show examples
 debated issue among people from every walk of life. I firmly believe that collaboration fosters essential social skills and long-term success.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, on the one
hand
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hand,
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 competition can drive
children
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 to work harder and strive for excellence. It is an undeniable fact that
,
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apply
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 it can boost motivation, enhance problem-solving and teach resilience in the face of failure.
However
Linking Words
, an overly competitive mindset may lead to stress, anxiety, and selfish behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, I was a primary school, I used to compete with my classmates for the highest grades, which sometimes made me reluctant to share my notes or help others who were struggling.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 helps
children
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 develop empathy, teamwork, and communication skills, which are crucial in adulthood. Without any doubt, when
children
Use synonyms
 learn to work together, they become more adaptable and effective in both professional and social settings.
For instance
Linking Words
, when working in my family’s bakery, I
reliazed
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realised
 that success depends on collaboration, as each team member must coordinate to ensure
smooths
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smooth
show examples
 operations and customer satisfaction. In conclusion, there is a wide variety of reasons why
cooperation
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has
Verb problem
is
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 beneficial
on
Change preposition
to
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children
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’s lives in terms of key interpersonal abilities and sustained achievement. When all these above-mentioned are taken into
cosideration
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consideration
,
children
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 make
a well-rounded individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
a well-rounded individual
well-rounded individuals
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include a brief restatement of both views in the conclusion to reinforce your discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on competition and cooperation in children, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context of the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as personal experiences in schooling and the family bakery, help illustrate your points effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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