IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today's world subjects like Science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example form your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 there are people saying that
history
Use synonyms
 is the most important subject among the courses. Parents and elder people feel like their kids and the youth of the country should know well about their country's
history
Use synonyms
 and they must commemorate it.
This
Linking Words
 is an understandable thing because people of the homeland in the past might have fought hard to protect their land. There are
also
Linking Words
citizans
Correct your spelling
citizens
 that claim
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more important. It is obvious that
history
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important subjects because it is a pleasant thing to know well about
history
Use synonyms
. You can
compair
Correct your spelling
compare
 the past and today and see how much humanity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 changed.
History
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 provide you
information
Change preposition
with information
show examples
 about the old times of your country,
in addition
Linking Words
 to these benefits,
history
Use synonyms
 basically makes you a
clutured
Correct your spelling
cultured
 person.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are as important as
history
Use synonyms
.
History
Use synonyms
 is about
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 but
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
determines
Change the verb form
determine
show examples
 your future. These two subjects are significant
due to
Linking Words
 the new world order. Youth has to do well in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world's
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
. If
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
 are
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in these courses, they might get a job that pays them a good amount of money. In my opinion,
history
Use synonyms
 is not the most
impostant
Correct your spelling
important
 subject in school because I think that you should be investing in the future by studying
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important but we should not be only focused on
history
Use synonyms
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 all the subjects in school are important. You should study for every course and get a good grade.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 you should give more importance to certain lessons and study more to have a better lifestyle in future that will make you happy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, consider expanding on the main points with more detailed examples. For instance, specific examples of how history has shaped cultural identity or technology's impact on current careers would enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure logical flow by clearly linking ideas between paragraphs. Use connectives and transition words to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next, reinforcing the relationships between your arguments.
language accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling, to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the importance of history and science/technology, which adds depth to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and finish to your argumentation, which aids in readability.
task achievement
Your opinion is articulated clearly, showing your stance on the issue and contributing to a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: