IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

here is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern times, there
are
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is
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 a lot of
burden
Change to a plural noun
burdens
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 on
young
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the young
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 generation to succeed in an academic sense. So , some people have an opinion that non-educational subjects
such
Linking Words
 as physical education and cookery should not
include
Wrong verb form
be included
show examples
to
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in
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syllabus
Add an article
the syllabus
show examples
 of the schools in order that children can focus on academic work. I
Correct your spelling
completely
complatelly
Correct your spelling
completely
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 support
this
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 idea and
i
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I
show examples
 will explain my
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thoughts
thoughs
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thoughts
 on
this
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 topic First of all , I think that we can
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be succsessfull
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succsessfull
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successfully
successful
person
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people
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 doing
other kind
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another kind
other kinds
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 of unacademic jobs.
Learnig
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Learning
of
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apply
show examples
Academic skills is an ongoing process which we
pass
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go
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throught
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through
 on it can be hard for each person.
On the other hand
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 ,
phychically
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physical
 activities and
other type
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another type
other types
show examples
 of
fileld
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fields in
 which we can find
ourselvies
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ourselves
 lead to
more
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a more
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successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 and happier life.
For instance
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 , from
the
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my
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chilhood
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childhood
 years , my sister has
a
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had a
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mystery
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mysterious
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 ability to cook
cake
Add an article
a cake
the cake
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. She learnt cooking from her teacher in the cooking class when she was 12 years old .Now , she is a famous
chief
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chef
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 in
the
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a
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 big restaurant which is her big dream.So , we should try to learn different things to find our achievements In the different aspect ,
i
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I
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 think non-academic subjects
dont
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don't
distrub
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disturb
 your
consantration
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concentration
 on
acamedic
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academic
comedic
 skills. Even they help to keep your
attantion
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attention
 on something more
powerfull
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powerful
.
TWe
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We
 are just not
consist
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consistent
show examples
of
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with
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our
brain
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brains
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.Our whole body
need
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needs
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 to stay fit and
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 to keep going
on
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apply
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and trying different things is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 exercise for our brain to
make
Verb problem
become
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 more
inteligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
.
Conclusion
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In conclusion
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, Individuals can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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succesfully
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successfully
successful
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 non-academic jobs which they learnt in
the
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apply
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class.
On the other hand
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 , doing non-unscholarly activities can help to improve other skills.

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language
Try to improve the grammatical accuracy by avoiding common errors such as subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes. For instance, 'succsessfull' should be 'successful' and 'complatelly' should be 'completely'.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and supports it with logical reasoning or evidence. This will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly delineates your stance and the points you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
The essay provides a full response to the task, presenting both sides of the argument before expressing a personal opinion.
cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points, reinforcing the writer's stance.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the story about the sister who became a chef, are relevant and strengthen the argument for keeping non-academic subjects in the curriculum.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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