IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that the educational investment in a child is important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries should fund schools for
science
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 only without other subjects, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that concentrating on one subject and ignoring the others will destroy our education outcomes.
To begin
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 with, if the governments fund only
science
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, that will lead to a lack of educational tools.
In other words
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, students will suffer from misunderstanding subjects like psychology, sociology, and sports, which need more tools.
In addition
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, that will lead to poor communication skills and obesity.
For example
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, Oxford University published research that China suffered from obesity and violence between students from 1940 to 1960 because it concentrated only on
science
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. Another point to consider, it will create overcrowding of workers in scientific specializations. It is
also
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 possible to say that students tend to choose the major that represents their strength and that the state cares about
to ensure
Change the verb form
ensuring
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 a stronger pension and ease of study.
Moreover
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, the country will suffer from a shortage of workers in the literary field, which poses a risk of its history being lost and forgotten.
For instance
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, some countries,
such
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 as African countries, face the problem that there is not enough information about their roots. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that each subject has importance; we cannot ignore one of them and stop funding for it.Despite that,
science
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 is the most important.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded perspective, presenting both sides of the argument. To further improve, try to expand your explanations a little more to ensure complete clarity, especially in articulating why non-science subjects should not be overlooked.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in your essay flow logically throughout the text, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. Continue to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and that each point connects back to your main argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the context effectively and clearly states your viewpoint on the topic. This provides a strong start to your essay.
supported main points
You succeeded in highlighting the potential consequences of government funding only science subjects, which strengthens your argument.
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