IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

SOME PEOPLE DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO PARTICIPATE IN GAMES’ SPORTS OR COMPETITIONS UNLESS EVERYONE GETS A PRIZE. OTHERS THINK THAT CHILDREN MUST LEARN TO DEAL WITH WINNING OR LOSING IN ORDER TO BE FULLY PREPARED FOR LIFE.DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Different
people
Use synonyms
 have different thoughts about the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 sector.Some parents think allowing their kids to
partcicipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in sports whatever the results
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes them think
sportive
Change the word
sportively
show examples
 and
other's
Change noun form
others
show examples
 think that the purpose of playing games is only
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
winning.In my point of view, the results are something we get for our performance it's need not be best
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,The
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
people
Use synonyms
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
playing sports and participating in events
this
Linking Words
 makes the
children
Use synonyms
 more active and beneficial to be in every part of the activity.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 will get to know their ability in
sector
Add an article
the sector
a sector
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they are performing
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them perform in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
coming
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
activities.The parents should be
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
 and have to change their point of view when it comes to winning or losing prizes.The citizens have to prepare their
children
Use synonyms
 to face anything
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of sticking to the best. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
,The parents will make their
children
Use synonyms
 habituated to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 place in every competition
this
Linking Words
 makes the
children
Use synonyms
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 in
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 worst way about competition because they think that winning
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only makes the person
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 .Not only
this
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 always
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 to down the next person
instead
Linking Words
 of being friendly with other team members. In my
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that winning
people
Use synonyms
 are only the smart ones rest of them are useless.But no one knows how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Add a missing verb
is treats
show examples
treats
Replace the word
treated
show examples
.It's better to be
sportive
Correct word choice
sporty
show examples
 in every aspect of their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.So,I conclude that being an optimized person is
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 than reacting to the results which are unsatisfied
this
Linking Words
 makes the
people
Use synonyms
 react harshly towards the other competitors.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Consider using paragraphs for each main point and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your viewpoints and make your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully explained and comprehensive. Clarify any vague points to strengthen your response.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both perspectives as mentioned in the prompt, offering a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally fulfill their roles in framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
Efforts have been made to discuss the topic from more than one angle, showing a good attempt at critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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