IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children's health and social skills. Others say that it has a positive impact. Discuss both views

There is no doubt that these days
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
Use synonyms
 have been playing a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The question is , does that have a negative or positive
effect
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
's health and social skills? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss both views.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that computer
games
Use synonyms
 have a negative
effect
Use synonyms
 on young people's health and social skills. To explain, the researcher notes to increase
a
Change the article
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 who suffer a disease
due to
Linking Words
 computer
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mental
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 and are not able to connect with each other ,
according to
Linking Words
 some parents
allowing
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to spend a Long time with
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 because both of them are working.
for example
Linking Words
 , recently the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 who are not able to act with their society
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 sharp growth in Japan community because widespread the
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 between students in school and became the first interest in their life .
Thus
Linking Words
 social skills and health are the main negative effects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are a
number
Use synonyms
 of merits of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. To clarify , the world
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past . So that the new generation
should know
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 act with
this
Linking Words
 new development ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
assisting
Wrong verb form
assist
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that
.
Correct your spelling
For
for instance
Linking Words
 , the
children
Use synonyms
 who live in developed countries have been able to deal with
averus
Correct article usage
the averus
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 , the
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have some positive
Use synonyms
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 a chance to deal with new
technology
Use synonyms
. In Conclusion , I strongly believe that there are a
number
Use synonyms
 of negative effects like a bad connection with each other and suffering from disease .
Also
Linking Words
 , the deal with new
technology
Use synonyms
 is the positive
effect
Use synonyms
 of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced view by elaborating equally on both pros and cons.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer distinction between points to improve structure.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, setting out the essay's structure.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to illustrate points made, such as the reference to Japan.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic, fulfilling the basic task requirements.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Obesity
  • Social Isolation
  • Aggression
  • Academic performance
  • Gaming addiction
  • Cognitive skills
  • Problem-solving
  • Stress relief
  • Cultural awareness
  • Social interaction
  • Multitasking
  • Virtual worlds
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Teamwork
  • Digital literacy
  • Innovative technology
  • E-sports
  • Moderation
  • Parental supervision
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