IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Living in the big cities can be
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 challenging to stay fit and healthy. Many believe that it has a negative impact on urban
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. I agree that the
health
Use synonyms
 services and facilities in urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 are more
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 and would give more benefits to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 inhabitants.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that city life
also
Linking Words
 detrimental effect on
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. I believe that some physical and mental problems would likely be the result of city life.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 the constant noise from the construction site and transportation system would result
to
Change preposition
in
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 noise pollution ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
insomia
Correct your spelling
insomnia
 and sleep disturbances. Water floods carrying bacteria and viruses from clogged drainages containing leptospirosis
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
might contaminate the water system for consumption.
Second,
Linking Words
fast foods and other unhealthy food products are widely available in the city as most of the people in the urban have no time to cook and
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 in a hurry.
For example
Linking Words
, consuming unhealthy products for a longer time may lead to diabetes and hypertension. An article published in the Philippines
stating
Wrong verb form
stated
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 the
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 number of dialysis
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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due to
Linking Words
 poor eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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, unlike in rural areas residents can cook food and put
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as salts, usually the main reason for hypertension.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
living in the cities offers numerous benefits
such
Linking Words
 as easy access to
health
Use synonyms
 facilities and recreation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to improve physical
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 and mental
health
Use synonyms
. We cannot
also
Linking Words
overlooked
Change the verb form
overlook
show examples
 the negative effect it has for people living in it.

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Grammar
Be careful with grammar errors, such as verb tenses and article usage, to enhance clarity.
Vocabulary
Avoid repetition by using synonyms and varying sentence structures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clearer organization of ideas will help to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Consider providing stronger, more diverse examples to support your points.
Task Response
The writer has addressed the topic with relevant examples and clear main ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good attempt at a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
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