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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more rather than compete against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opi

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to believe that
contest
Correct article usage
a contest
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 between colleagues and teams is beneficiary. Others,
in contrast
Linking Words
, argue that working together
instead
Linking Words
 of competing is much more helpful
at the end
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 of the day. It seems to me that the latter view is more rational as rivalry can result in emotional
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 and the only person we have to compete
is
Change preposition
with is
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 ourselves. On one hand, some frictions and challenges between institutions and human beings can have positive effects. When
people
Use synonyms
 do not have goals to achieve, they sometimes fall into the void and lose the meaning of life for short periods.
However
Linking Words
, when challenges to overcome are given to them by their partners, they feel responsibility and enough motivation to move on.
This
Linking Words
 improves both sides whether they win or lose, because
will power
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willpower
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 strengthens every time
people
Use synonyms
 try to transcend their
potentials
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potential
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. To illustrate, the most successful two names
of
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in
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 football history, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi shared a stage
over
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for over
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 20 years having a race, which brought them to another level. In spite of the above arguments, I still suggest that the focus should not be defeating our peers,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
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 ourselves.
Although
Linking Words
 contests can come to an end peacefully, in most scenarios, it hurts one side much more heavily. As life demands, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 attempt to outpower opponents who are at a higher level and, eventually, they fail.
This
Linking Words
 situation puts their emotional levels in danger
such
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 as psychological problems, depressive lifestyles and even suicides.
Additionally
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, at times level of
conflicts
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conflict
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 comes to a degree that friendships, relationships and strong bonds between
best life
Add a hyphen
best-life
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 couples can suffer. In conclusion, competition can drive individuals to excel, but excessive rivalry can have negative consequences. Cooperation,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, nurtures a positive and productive environment. Striking a balance between these two approaches allows individuals and organizations to achieve long-term
succe
Correct your spelling
success

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer definitions or explanations of competition and cooperation in the introduction to set the context.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are supported with more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on better linking phrases and transition words to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Revisit the conclusion to make it more impactful, summarizing the key points and reiterating your position more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples, particularly from sports, which effectively illustrate your points.
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