IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think having a universtiy degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many believe that being graduated from a university is the most optimal way to get a good job.
In contrast
Linking Words
, talents and
experience
Use synonyms
 have more importance for some
people
Use synonyms
. I agree with the second view because worthy jobs require more than degrees
such
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 as reputation and
experience
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 in that sector. Nowadays, having a degree from college has become more impactful than ever in the history of
world
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the world
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.
People
Use synonyms
 who want to apply
corporations
Change preposition
to corporations
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 should show their abilities for their professions from verified sources.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the worth of university certificates increases drastically to display relevance in a specific area.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
high rating
Add a hyphen
high-rating
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 institutions provide a more valid qualification as graduating gets harder because of their study program. To give an example, top institutes including Oxford, MIT, and Harvard mostly guarantee dream workplaces to their students. In spite of the above arguments, I still support the view that the role of
experience
Use synonyms
 and skills is undoubtable. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases, employers give high salaries to upper roles in their companies because they want more fertility in return.
Thus
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, they cannot
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
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 young graduates to learn the job and they cannot fully trust them in
workplace
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the workplace
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. They need and look for more than a piece of paper-
people
Use synonyms
 who
got
Verb problem
have
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good
Add an article
a good
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 reputation for being adept in their works, and years of
experience
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. Employees who have collected these tools over the years can be more effective in administration and
supervising
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supervision
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, companies that make hundreds of millions a year have an age requirement of twenty-five at least as they would be able to make decisions that can result in loss or gain of millions of dollars. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid reasons to say that
college
Correct article usage
a college
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 degree is enough to get paid well, I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 need more in order to get better jobs, which are unbelievable talent or
experience
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 of
lifetime
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a lifetime
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it could be improved by explicitly mentioning both views before stating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be restructured for clarity and flow. Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the next.; for example, use linking phrases to enhance the flow.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your points, especially regarding the importance of skills and experience in the job market.
Task Achievement
You have a clear viewpoint and present it effectively in your introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You use relevant vocabulary and show a good command of grammar overall, which aids understanding.
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