IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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n
Correct your spelling
In
 many countries, youth will be able to drop out of
school
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 at the age of 16. Some
individuals
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 believe that full-time
education
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 should be made compulsory for minors. I strongly agree with
this
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 perspective as
education
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 foundational
skills
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 necessary for
their
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apply
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adult life and it provides opportunity for all.
To begin
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 with, having a formal
education
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 allows young people to learn essential
skills
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 for their future.
This
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 is because when
individuals
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 learn
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as
team work
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teamwork
show examples
, communication and leadership, they will be able to use the
skills
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 learnt and use it during group meetings.
For example
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, when
individuals
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 are having a discussion in a group, learning to interact and contribute to the team is
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 in a working environment.
Secondly
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, I believe that
education
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 is a basic human need and everyone should have access to it.
This
Linking Words
 allows everyone including the less fortunate
individuals
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 to be able to
strudy
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study
 and learn
skills
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relevent
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relevant
 to their future careers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, formal schooling
assist
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assists
show examples
 them to discover what their passion are and to steer them towards their goals. An example of
this
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 can be seen in a person wanting to be a doctor. Teachers will be able to advise on the pathway that the student needs to take to achieve
this
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. Even though
,
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apply
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 there are many benefits with formal
education
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 until 18, some people believe that it is not necessary for youngsters to stay in
school
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 until 18. For students who struggle with traditional
education
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, staying in
school
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 will not be ideal.
This
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 is because they have limited interest in academic subjects
whild
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while
which
 will lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disengagement
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
school
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 if they were to stay until 18. In conclusion,
while
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 the
intension
Replace the word
intention
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 behind requiring students to stay in
school
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 until 18 is to ensure that they receive a well-rounded
education
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, it is not in the best interest of everyone
due to
Linking Words
 different passions and interests.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between ideas. For example, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points, as this will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
language accuracy
Review grammar and spelling, especially for words like 'crucial' and 'relevant,' to improve overall writing quality.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the task effectively.
task achievement
The argument on the importance of education in discovering one's passion is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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