IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have.

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Nowadays ,many believe that women are more capable
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing parenting
responsibilities
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 men with active fatherhood
equal
Add a missing verb
are equal
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women in that
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
.
However
Linking Words
, I think parental partnership should be the modern
role
Use synonyms
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 family
insititution
Correct your spelling
institution
. At the onset , there is no
daubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 about the
Use synonyms
mother
Change noun form
mother's
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 life ,since she
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the primary caregiver with the maternal instinct to give the
child
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
empathy and love .
In addition
Linking Words
 , there is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
strong emotional bond between the kid and his
mother
Use synonyms
establish
Wrong verb form
established
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the early
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 of living and
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 during life with the patient and emotional intelligence
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
which
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to
rising
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the juvenile properly .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are widespread ideas in many
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
 that the father has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 and roles in raising children,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 active fatherhood has a significant effect by providing
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 and emotional
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 for both the
child
Use synonyms
 and the
mother
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to the protective side .
For instance
Linking Words
 , in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
traditional Arabic
family
Add a comma
family,
show examples
 the father
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 the dominant
role
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
provideing
Correct your spelling
providing
and
carriing
Correct your spelling
caring
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 family
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 by being supportive and
leader
Correct article usage
a leader
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
mother
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 the other roles
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 the modern family dynamics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,sharing parenting
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 is one of the huge flex in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nowadays parenting by sharing the both emotional and
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 aspects of life . In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 historically women have been considered better parents
due to
Linking Words
 their
instinct
Fix the agreement mistake
instincts
show examples
 men
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 capable of fulfilling
this
Linking Words
role
Use synonyms
 .Parental partnership is necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 raising
well-rounded
Correct article usage
a well-rounded
show examples
child
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 with the huge burden on both parents.

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Task Achievement
Try to clearly state your position in the introduction. For example, specify that you believe in the importance of parental partnership right at the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and is fully developed. You can add more examples or explanations to support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your grammatical accuracy, especially subject-verb agreement and punctuation, to improve clarity and professionalism.
Content
You present a balanced view by considering both perspectives of parenting, which demonstrates critical thinking.
Content
You provide a relevant example from traditional Arabic families, which supports your argument about the father’s role.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting
  • nurturing
  • paternal
  • maternal
  • societal expectations
  • gender roles
  • co-parenting
  • emotional intelligence
  • child-rearing
  • caregiver
  • egalitarian
  • stereotype
  • nuclear family
  • single parent
  • shared custody
  • bonding
  • child development
  • primary caregiver
  • compassionate
  • empathetic
What to do next:
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