IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children’s choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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there are widely differing views about
wether
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whether
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parents
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 should have
impact
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an impact
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 on their
child
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's decisions for choosing friends and partners or
the
Correct word choice
whether the
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children
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 have to make that choice on their own.There are compelling arguments on both sides of
this
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 topic which will be outlined in detail, followed by my own point of view
over
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on
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 the statement. On the one hand, evident is the fact that
,
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apply
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children
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 learn most of their
behavior
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behaviour
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 through osmosis and some of them may spend a vast amount of their time with their partners and peers rather than their
parents
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.
Hence
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, bad
partner
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partners
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 and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 can have adverse effects on
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 personality.
moreover
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, some
researches
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research
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 shown that
frontal
Correct article usage
the frontal
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 lobe is the main part of
decision making
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decision-making
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 in
human
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the human
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 body and it is not fully developed until
adolescents
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adolescence
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. So, until that time
children
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 can be considered naive and inexperienced individuals.
Therefore
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,
for preventing
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to prevent
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unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 outcomes,
parents
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 can play a pivotal role for their
offsprings
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offspring
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 in crucial circumstances
such
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 as choosing friends and partners
due to
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 their more social experiences and fully developed brains.
On the other hand
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, independency is one of the essential factors to improve
children
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 for their upward
mobilities
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mobility
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.
Similarly
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, if the
child
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 always
rely
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relies
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 on
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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, they may face a lot of problems in
their
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the
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 future because they can't address their
issue
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issues
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 on their own.
In addition
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,
children
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 want to choose a friend or partner who suits
with
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apply
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their mindset, point of interest, and someone who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a lot in common.
Hence
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,
parents
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 can not understand these mentioned aspects because of
generation
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the generation
a generation
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 gap between them and their kids.
For instance
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, a kid's father used to play soccer
for
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as
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 his leisure activity but his
child
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's mindset computer games are just the only enjoyable activity.
To conclude
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, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy; on balance,
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however
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however,
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 it is my solid conviction that just in essential circumstances, which may have
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 results, influencing
children
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's choice
for
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of
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 partner and friend by their
parents
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 is crucial
due to
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child
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's inexperienced perspective of life .
And
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Parents
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parents
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 should consider teaching
independency
Replace the word
independence
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 in their
child
Use synonyms
's upbringing until they can paddle their own canoe.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but improve the thesis statement for a stronger guiding idea in your discussion of both views.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the complexity of your writing further.
task achievement
Try to provide a couple more specific examples to support each point more deeply, as this will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the different viewpoints regarding parents' influence versus children's independence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured with clear paragraphs, which aids in the readability and overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Influence
  • Decision-making
  • Life experience
  • Cultural values
  • Family approval
  • Independence
  • Personal connections
  • Mutual respect
  • Interpersonal skills
  • External interference
  • Mental well-being
  • Negative influences
  • Navigate
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