IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make those decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether children should be heavily influenced by their
parents
Use synonyms
 when making friends and choosing life partners or be independent is debatable.
Although
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments on both sides, I strongly believe youngsters better be allowed to choose these matters on their own since it can help them grow and become more reliable adults at work in the future. On the one hand, supporters of parental influence assert that the benefit of it is by no means negligible.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
parents
Use synonyms
 have more experience and can prevent their offspring from making a wrong decision when it comes to bonding a new friendship. Having gone through ups and downs in their lives, mothers and fathers can help
youngers
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 to lead
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happier
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 by choosing the right partners. As an example, in Persian culture, couples ought to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
permission from their
parents
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 before getting married.
This
Linking Words
 is because it is widely believed the new couple should consult and use their
parents
Use synonyms
’ knowledge to avoid an unsuitable choice.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the opponents of the significant impact of
parents
Use synonyms
 on juveniles’ selection of companions argue that everyone should have the liberty to select their friends and loved ones. To put it in another words, being free to choose, even if sometimes it is accompanied by mistakes, can help individuals to grow. Growing by learning from events could help
people
Use synonyms
 better under pressure. Having learned how to manage, in the future they can easily find a job. Take companies and firms
CEO's
Change noun form
' CEOs
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 who look for employees who can tackle problems efficiently,
people
Use synonyms
 who faced and were able to solve a situation before are more likely to get a job. I
also
Linking Words
 believe it is better to give young
people
Use synonyms
 the freedom of choice and I take
this
Linking Words
 side.
To sum up
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,
people
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 are divided into two groups in terms of giving the authority to children to choose their friends and partners unassisted or rely on their
parents
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. I think the benefits of leaving children free to decide outweigh its drawbacks. I think it is feasible to believe that in the future more
parents
Use synonyms
 would allow their daughters and sons to decide on their own.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline both sides of the argument in your introduction to better prepare the reader for the discussion that follows.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked back to the thesis statement to strengthen the overall argument and make it more cohesive.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more context and depth. For instance, give more detail on how parental influence concretely impacts decision-making.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas, which helps the flow of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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