Essay topics: The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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that the
givernment
Correct your spelling
government
should invest
money
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in
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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,music and theatre field,
while
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othe
Correct your spelling
others
other
argue that
this
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money
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should spend on public
services
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.I partially agree with
this
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statement and explain it in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are a variety of beneficial aspects associated with investing
money
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in the
arts
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. The primary and most crucial one is that presently, a vast number of individuals have mental health problems.
In other words
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, fast-paced lifestyles or competitiveness lead to depression, burnout, and anxiety, and
arts
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such
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as music and theatre
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
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to solving these issues;
additionally
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, they can assist doctors in decreasing the number of people with mental health issues in the hospital. Students,
for instance
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, listen to music after reading a book to make themselves reduce tension. Another positive key factor is that the
arts
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play a significant role and represent
this
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cultural identity.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that developed countries invest in the
arts
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to promote a nation's culture,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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government can use art entertainment to attract people and generate high incomes.
On the other hand
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,
although
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there are some benefits of investing
money
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in the
arts
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, a number of favourable aspects of investing in public
services
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should be well-considered. The initial and most obvious one is that in developing countries investment in the
arts
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is unnecessary;
moreover
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, the government should spend
money
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to lay a solid foundation for public
services
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or basic needs in terms of public transportation, infrastructure, healthcare, and education which can lead to higher quality of life. Encouraging economic growth is the
last
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advantage to be taken into account.
Therefore
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, investment in public
services
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can lead to employment opportunities, which in turn boost economic productivity. In conclusion, even though there are some advantages of investing
money
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in the
arts
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, I hold the view that the favourable aspects associated with investing in public dawning outweigh them. If
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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spend property on basic needs, especially in developing countries, it is almost certain that they can improve the quality of human life in their country.

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task achievement
Consider revising the thesis statement to make your position clearer and more specific.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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