IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situtation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the proportion of young and old
people
Use synonyms
 in many countries is unequal consisting of
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 older humans compared to young adults.
This
Linking Words
 leads to some positive and negative consequences
such
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 as improved demography but less impact to the
science
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 respectively.
This
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 essay will illustrate the reasons why the advantages
outweight
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outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of
this
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 situation. First of all, the large
number
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 of young matures is beneficial for demography as they are more likely to make new families compared to their older
collegues
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colleagues
 because of the hormones and organism requirements.
Hence
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,
this
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 leads to
increased
Add an article
an increased
the increased
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number
Use synonyms
 of children,
thus
Linking Words
, potential mitigation of the demography problem.
For example
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, the Japanese government in 2005 made an effort to deal with the decreased population issue by encouraging young
people
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 to make families, which led to
increased
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an increased
the increased
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number
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 of young
people
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 nowadays.
Additionally
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,
this
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 tactic effectively
dealed
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dealt
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 with the local
demograpic
Correct your spelling
demographic
 problem by changing the proportions of
people
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 from a new generation and elder individuals.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old adults tend to be more experienced in many spheres because of the years of working and
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number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of completed
researches
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research
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.
This
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 is the reason why old professors are advantageous for the
science
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 world as they are able to not only
effectivelly
Correct your spelling
effectively
 teach others but
also
Linking Words
 make investigations. To illustrate,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent study, the absolute majority of humans in
Use synonyms
science
Add an article
the science
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 field who made
the
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apply
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massive contributions to the world are considered as old individuals.
Hence
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, the disbalance in population may slow the
science
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 progress.
To conclude
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, despite the fact that old individuals are more valuable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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 because of
the
Change the word
their
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 huge experience and knowledge, young
people
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 are necessary to deal with
demograpic
Correct your spelling
demographic
 problems as they can increase the population, which is more important for the nation.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammar and spelling errors. For instance, phrases like 'young matures' and 'deal with the local demographic problem' need to be corrected for clarity and formality.
content
Try to enhance your main points with more specific examples and detail. This will strengthen your argument and improve your score. For example, you can provide more information about the demographic problem in Japan and how the strategies were implemented.
cohesion
Ensure that your essay transitions smoothly between ideas. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information. For instance, instead of 'However,' consider using 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' for better clarity in contrast.
structure
You have a clear structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
You presented both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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