IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right to privacy . To what extent do you agree?

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Life
Correct article usage
The life
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 of
celebrity
Correct article usage
a celebrity
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 can be tough at times. Often, they are followed by media
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
 to
extreme
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an extreme
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 extent , depriving them of
privacy
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,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should be deprived of
privacy
Use synonyms
, Others oppose the statement.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding that there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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of
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for
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balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 of
privacy
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 knowing
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the stars
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stars
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stars'
star's
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 business. Some argue that
,
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apply
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"Celebrities deserve no
privacy
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". Famous
peoples
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people's
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 livelihood depends upon their presence and
content
Correct article usage
the content
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 they allow their viewers to consume. Their income is solely based on the number of
people
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 who follow them.
For instance
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, musical artists like Taylor Swift and Rihanna are billionaires which wouldn't have happened if they weren't exposed to
general
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the general
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 public.
furthermore
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, It is evident that they are only affluent and successful they have had
press
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the press
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 hounding them
throught
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through
throughout
 their life.
Moreover
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,
People
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 like to follow
the
Change preposition
in the
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 footsteps of their celebs for
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
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 things like a product that they are using.
Thus
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, without
Use synonyms
privacy
Add a comma
privacy,
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 it is impossible to be popular.
On the other hand
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, Famous Individuals are human too, they feel the same as everyone else. There have been so many cases of
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
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 getting attacked as of late
due to
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 information about
whereabouts
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the whereabouts
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 of the stars by the paparazzi.
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Similarly
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Similarly,
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 there have been instances of other issues
such
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 as body shaming and stating the woman is "pregnant ".
While
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 one may assume that
there
Correct your spelling
these
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people
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 are used to
such
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 comments , there can be chances of mental health concerns.
Thus
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, regardless of
conflicting
Add an article
the conflicting
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 of
people
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 on Celebrities being overly papped by the media
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
. It needs to be addressed in a balanced way as even though, their livelihood
depend
Change the verb form
depends
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 upon fame, they can be victim of bullying, mental health issues and physical harm.
People
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 should put
Correct your spelling
ourselves
oneselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 in their shoes
while
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 opinionating on somebody's life

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task achievement
Ensure that you clearly state your opinion in the introduction, indicating how much you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, mention specific incidents that demonstrate the impact of media intrusion on celebrities' lives.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your language is generally clear and understandable, making your arguments easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hounded
  • sensational news
  • unwarranted scrutiny
  • blurs the line
  • public interest
  • pervasive
  • public persona
  • complex relationship
  • invasive
  • ethical frameworks
  • privacy is upheld
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