The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world’s cities today. Discuss the causes. What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years the
number
Use synonyms
of migrants has increased largely
due to
Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
with the country caused by war and
government
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
issue can be effectively addressed through two key strategies: rule and support for human rights.
This
Linking Words
essay will elucidate the underlying causes of
this
Linking Words
issue and propose practical solutions to tackle it.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the main factor contributing to
migration
Use synonyms
's lack of freedom is that they are surrounded by the
government
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, research shows that some 20%
migration
Use synonyms
of people living in Kazakhstan.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
causes not only living in other countries but
also
Linking Words
imprisonment.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a high
number
Use synonyms
of migrant individuals receive pressure from governments and one has to live in other countries.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
leads to an increase in the
number
Use synonyms
of migrations. Despite all these challenges,
this
Linking Words
issue can be tackled by implementing effective strategies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, make rules for
migration
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
can save
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governments they have to fly from their hometowns
due to
Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
with the law.
This
Linking Words
highlights the importance of rules in order to advocate a person.
Secondly
Linking Words
, support for human rights is essential to help individuals live in their hometowns.The
government
Use synonyms
can create a department which supports everyone who has
problems
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if they fly to live in alter country, their department helps them with expediture and housing.
This
Linking Words
solution not only distracts from governments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
improves their lives. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
in the country caused by the
government
Use synonyms
and war present significant challenges for
migration
Use synonyms
people today, these obstacles can be effectively overcome through rule and support for human rights. make rules and avoid war, which helps to
decline
Verb problem
decrease
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
migration
Use synonyms
of people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your beliefs and the structure of your essay, which is great. However, consider providing a clearer overview of the causes of migration in the introduction.
Task Achievement
In the second paragraph, clarify the connection between government conditions and migration. Your examples could be more specific to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will help create smoother transitions between your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammar and word choice to enhance clarity, such as revising 'the main factor contributing to migration's lack of freedom is that they are surrounded by the government'.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear stance on the issue, along with proposed solutions, which is commendable.
Coherence and Cohesion
You introduce the topic and provide a conclusion that summarizes your arguments, indicating a good awareness of essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: