IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays,many people have to work longer hours and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier.

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In today’s generation, almost 90% of the population holds a
job
Use synonyms
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the basic needs of life.
However
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of a
job
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 nowadays
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
extended
Add an article
an extended
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 amount of working hours that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to both mental frustration and physical exertion. One of the leading
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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 could be
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
workload
Use synonyms
 by the
employers
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 to the
employees
Use synonyms
. The
job
Use synonyms
 market nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very competitive. Most of the companies are competing against each other to rise to the top.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
employees
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 are bombarded with heavy
workload
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 that needs to be completed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a certain deadline. There was an incident that took place
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 India where
an Indian women
Correct the article-noun agreement
Indian women
an Indian woman
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 committed suicide in 2018
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 stress and the pressure of meeting
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
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expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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. It is devastating to see how companies put pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their workers to complete their
work
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 without even acknowledging if the
employees
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 can handle the
workload
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Employers
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 first need to reduce the
workload
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 of their workers by
diving
Verb problem
dividing
show examples
 the
work
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 among the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 way the
employees
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 can be more focused
to
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on
show examples
 working effectively rather than putting pressure on themselves.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the company needs to check the well-being of their
employees
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 too.
For example
Linking Words
: some
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 find their
work
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 more challenging. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the
employers
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 could be more
flex le
Replace the word
flexible
show examples
 and change their
job
Use synonyms
 assignments. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, any business or company would only be successful if their workers
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 properly taken care of.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential part of our life. Both
employers
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 and
employees
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plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 an important role in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
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 needs to be considerate about the
workload
Use synonyms
 given to their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and be mindful about their wellness to reduce
Use synonyms
employees
Change the noun form
employee
show examples
 burnout.

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and develop them further to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas by using cohesive devices more effectively to connect your thoughts throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and try to proofread your work before submission to catch minor errors that could detract from your overall message.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents relevant ideas about the causes of stress at work and potential solutions.
task achievement
Some strong examples, like mentioning the incident in India, add depth to your argument and illustrate the seriousness of workplace stress.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job market
  • higher expectations
  • pressure
  • constant connectivity
  • economic instability
  • work-life balance
  • demanding job roles
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • flexible working hours
  • wellness programs
  • stress management
  • mental health support
  • regular breaks
  • vacation time
  • burnout
  • positive work environment
  • team-building activities
  • open communication
  • career development
  • skill enhancement
  • employee morale
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