The growing number number of over wight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. TO what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the surging proportion of

obese

Add an article

the obese

show examples

populace is instilling

profound

Correct article usage

a profound

show examples

burden on various healthcare services in order to mitigate the concern related to

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obese

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

health.

Moreover

Linking Words

, proponents believe that the most efficacious strategy which can be used as a remedy to solve

this

Linking Words

prevailing issue in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society is the incorporation of extensive physical

education

Use synonyms

in any educational

institutions

Fix the agreement mistake

institution

show examples

. In my opinion, I firmly side my conviction in the affirmation of

this

Linking Words

proposed ideology as it will not only plunge the

overall

Linking Words

admission rate

unhealthy

Change preposition

of unhealthy

show examples

obese individuals in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hospitals but

also

Linking Words

it will encourage the individuals to foster a healthy and fit

lifestyle

Use synonyms

. Embarking on the discussion, enforcing the culture of physical training and learning at a higher state during

Correct article usage

the earlychildhood

show examples

earlychildhood

Correct your spelling

early childhood

days of any children

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

during their schooling days will keep them active by obliterating their sedentary

lifestyle

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

amendment will decrease the

overall

Linking Words

admission proportion of the

population

Use synonyms

enrolling themselves in the healthcare organization in order to get treated for their perilous

lifethreatening

Correct your spelling

life-threatening

life threatening

conditions arising from being overweight.

Consequently

Linking Words

, the rising strain on the health-aide society will be diminished, turning it into

Add an article

a more

show examples

sustainable environment.

For example

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

schools

Change preposition

show examples

China

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

the highest amount of time allotted

behind

Change preposition

show examples

the physical

education

Use synonyms

of their kids making them the healthiest group of children

amongst

Change preposition

show examples

the world.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, promoting the habit of gaining higher physical

education

Use synonyms

will cultivate a norm of living a healthy and fit

lifestyle

Use synonyms

Additionally

Linking Words

, more and more people will be aware of some exorbitant benefits of

this

Linking Words

lifestyle

Use synonyms

indulging them to stick to

this

Linking Words

way of living life forever.

As a result

Linking Words

, it will improve the health of the general

population

Use synonyms

Change preposition

over

show examples

span

Add an article

a span

the span

show examples

of decades ending up

Change preposition

apply

show examples

appreciating the reduction in demand of the healthcare system to support the community of these overweight

Use synonyms

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

as the amount of

such

Linking Words

human beings will be decisively lower in the future.

For instance

Linking Words

, as per a published report from the WHO, the world's

population

Use synonyms

has become twice

healthier

Correct word choice

as healthy

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with the past century

due to

Linking Words

opting

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

trend of living a healthy

lifestyle

Use synonyms

. That being said, the

overincreasing

Correct your spelling

over increasing

ever increasing

levels of

exccessively

Correct your spelling

excessively

weighted humans may impede the operations in the health-aide societies when compared to its optimal level and the pathway to mitigate

this

Linking Words

concern is fostering an option of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

education

Use synonyms

at high standards considering it imperative in the educational organisations as it will reduce the admission rate of

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

in the hospitals

due to

Linking Words

their obesity-affected conditions

along with

Linking Words

that it will motivate the communities to preach a culture of living fit and ailment-free life.

pabhi919Tue Feb 04 2025

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language

Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammar errors. For instance, 'over wight' should be 'overweight', and 'any educational institutions' could be simplified to 'educational institutions'. Also, ensure correct article usage, e.g., 'the highest amount of time' could be 'the highest amount of time allotted to physical education'.

coherence

Enhance your logical connectors and transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay. This will help with coherence and help the reader follow your argument more easily.

content

Your essay presents a clear viewpoint on the topic and demonstrates a strong understanding of the issues related to obesity and physical education.

examples

You provided relevant examples, such as the schools in China, to support your argument, which strengthens your overall response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

434 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rate
healthcare system
physical education
school curriculum
instilling healthy habits
comprehensive health education
balanced diets
long-term benefits
mental health
lifestyle choices
parental involvement
community organizations
environmental changes
government policies
taxes on sugary drinks
subsidies for healthy foods
public spaces
food advertising
health assessments
early identification
timely interventions

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sometimes spouses have to live far away from each other. maintaining a long distance relationship is sometimes difficult and straining. what do you think are the main reasons of long distance relationships?what can be done to help couples feel closer?

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Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.

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