IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents want their children to read educational books instead of entertainment books because those are the waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statements

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Most parents prefer to make their children read
books
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 that provide them with knowledge
instead
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 of reading comic
books
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. I believe that reading educational
books
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 is more beneficial than spending time on
entertainment
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books
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.
Firstly
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, the
students
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 who spent time reading educational
books
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 were more active in academics compared to children who read purposeless
books
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.
Moreover
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, there are many advantages of reading scientific
books
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 they help
students
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 to perform well in essays or any other competitions.
This
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 makes
students
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 give their best in interviews.
For example
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, we can see most of the
students
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 who read
books
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 like motivational
books
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 are confident and they can easily understand anything in commencement ' who read timepass
books
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.
On the other hand
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, the
people
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 who prefer to read
entertainment
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books
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 were lacking in their academics. They show less interest in studies which makes them feel chill in their life. These
people
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 don't know the value of education they only stick to
entertainment
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 and some
people
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 are addicted to reading
entertainment
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books
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. There is no use in reading
entertainment
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books
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 these are meant for time passes. In my point of view , reading educational purpose
books
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 makes
people
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 confident and well-knowledged person. They will get to know the purpose of their lives and how to survive in
this
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 world. Choosing a hobby like reading
books
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 on knowledge gives more thinking power to the brain.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential benefits of entertainment books as well. This will make your argument stronger and more nuanced.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly ties back to your main argument and supports it with clear examples or explanations to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Improving the introduction and conclusion can help frame your argument more effectively. Consider restating your main points more clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion in your introduction, indicating your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You provided a range of points discussing both educational and entertainment books, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual development
  • systematic knowledge
  • stimulating imagination
  • fostering creativity
  • comprehensive development
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • diverse writing styles
  • nurture
  • well-rounded individuals
  • pivotal role
  • acquisition of knowledge
  • emotional development
  • genre
What to do next:
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