IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events .do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays ,technology covers all the needs of communication and helps to make the universe smaller than before.Social media is one of
tools
Add an article
the tools
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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Use synonyms
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 to keep in touch with others and new occasions.in my point of view, I think the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 application outweigh the disadvantages.
In addition
Linking Words
 , these days technology is important to enhance life and to make it easier than before.
Use
Use synonyms
 social
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 to contact each other ,and to send all the events and share them with anyone in the world without any problem
for example
Linking Words
 :In the past society spent many days or years to deliver a message but in the
present
Add a comma
present,
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 we just need a click of send a message and it will reach in second in any area in the world Via Whatsapp .We can share our happy moments in pictures or videos,in my opinion, the advantages are more than the disadvantages .
As well as
Linking Words
 everything in
this
Linking Words
 world has two sides,there are disadvantages of social media ,
individually
Replace the word
Individuals
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use
Use synonyms
 their mobile phone or laptops for long hours and it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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affects side in their health and their lifestyle
for example
Linking Words
 : People spend their time on their devices
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than meet their friends in the real life and they prefer to open the screen and talk to them rather than meet them
moreover
Linking Words
 IMO provide video call and most of the people
use
Use synonyms
 it
instead
Linking Words
 of visit their family.They love being a way of reality and it is a bad thing about social media.
Finally
Linking Words
 , individual should be able to manage their time find the best way to
use
Use synonyms
 technologies and follow the instructions to help them become stable in their life .

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. This will enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments better, especially when discussing the disadvantages of social media.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and phrasing to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
You have successfully expressed your opinion clearly in the introduction and throughout the essay, which is excellent for task achievement.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example regarding the speed of communication in the past and present, which helps illustrate your point about the advantages of social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • instant communication
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • community engagement
  • misinformation
  • mental health impacts
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity loss
  • virtual relationships
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