IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
Linking Words
 some consider formal education
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not give much advantage to
children
Use synonyms
, some think that it could make young
people
Use synonyms
 improve their own abilities.
This
Linking Words
 essay
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with the statement because
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 could learn many things apart from social ethics. Schools could provide
children
Use synonyms
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
way to explore their hobbies and connect to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
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. When young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
school
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, they
exposed
Add a missing verb
are exposed
show examples
 to many things in life like
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
, sports, and
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
. Some of them might interested in one of those areas,
while
Linking Words
 others
prefers
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prefer
show examples
 to focus on academics and there's nothing wrong
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that. There were many cases of athletes becoming an international champion because they
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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since
Change preposition
at
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 age. Other examples like famous scientists, engineers, and inventors might
also
Linking Words
 begin their learning
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. Educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 could
also
Linking Words
 give
children
Use synonyms
 a place to socialize and make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
friends.
This
Linking Words
 connection may lead to a pathway for success or create a supportive environment. If we look at several well-known companies, some of them were started by a group of friends having the same vision.
This
Linking Words
 is because some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to build something with the one they already know rather than with some strangers. Good friends might
also
Linking Words
 create a support system that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children
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 fight for their
struggle
Fix the agreement mistake
struggles
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 or recover from unpleasant
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe formal education does not provide advantages to teenagers, I believe that
school
Use synonyms
 is one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to support
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 to find what they like and expand their link to other
people
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural forms. For instance, 'young peoples' should be 'young people' and 'musics' should be 'music'.
content
Make sure to develop your main points more fully. Each paragraph could be strengthened with more detailed examples or explanations to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence
Ensure all ideas are clearly linked and organized. Use clear topic sentences to help guide the reader and improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
argument
You have a clear position on the topic and provide a thoughtful perspective on the advantages of school.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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