IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views

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Some individuals believe that it is their own responsibility to take care of themselves.
on
Capitalize word
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make sure
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
citizen`s
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
show examples
 health. In my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 the first one is more logical
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because at
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 it is people's duty to take care of themselves and make sure everything is right.
However
Linking Words
,they have to get
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet,do checkups per month,sometimes once a year,and do exercises for physical and mental health like walking every day,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 yoga,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.In many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 they can go to therapy
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 control their panic and get medicine for that.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 the second opinion is right too;
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 have responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 specially poor and
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 people. Because they have
challenging
Add an article
a challenging
show examples
 life,lack of some facilities and have a limited budget.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
make sure they are healthy and they have drugs,money,medical equipment
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.In some countries individuals can receive free medical and healthcare in special institutes and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
show examples
 money for that. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 both views are correct and respectful just depends on your
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 and your health condition.
Then
Linking Words
 you can say which view is more correct and logical.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement and pluralization.
task achievement
Make sure to properly introduce both sides of the argument and clarify your own viewpoint in the introduction.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to discuss both views on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is straightforward, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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