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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

In today, 's digital era,
children
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 spend an increasing number of hours on screens and
games
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, which have adverse side effects on not only cognitive skills but
also
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 on mental
health
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. Some people argue that parents should limit screen time and encourage them to read books which has uncountable benefits. I
also
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 agree with
this
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 point,
due to
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 some reasons.
To begin
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 with, arise in screening time have great concern because of some reasons
such
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 as mental
health
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, physical
health
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, and their bond with family. To explain, when
children
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 spend their all-time in watching television or video
games
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then
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 they are isolated from their families.
As a result
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,
due to
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 a lack of communication, and physical activities not only their physical
health
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 be affected negatively but
also
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 hurts their mental
health
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.
Moreover
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, they will not feel confident to speak and are unable to share their feelings and emotions with someone else.
Additionally
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, day by day their academic performance becomes poorer. Moving
further
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, playing
games
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 and watching TV has numerous pros
such
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 as education channels, problem-solving skills, and brain and hand activity. To clarify there are a lot of educational channels that give general knowledge with some images and video effects
due to
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this
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 kids can remember easily and interestingly
along with
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 that they put some questions in end.
Consequently
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,
children
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 can use their minds to give answers. Another advantage is playing
games
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also
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 involves hand movement and thinking fast to do any actions which makes
children
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 able to think fast and take action when needed.
For example
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, a survey conducted by Japan has shown a report that more than 60% of students in schools take action early and win in ming
games
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 who are involved in
games
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 and watch educational channels.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is very beneficial to limit screen time, completely restricting is neither practical nor beneficial. A balanced strategy that combines moderate screen use with regular reading will provide
children
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 with a well-rounded learning experience.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your main points with additional examples and explanations. Some arguments feel underdeveloped and could benefit from more elaboration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased or grammatically incorrect, which can impede understanding.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your arguments are balanced. While you mention the benefits of screen time, be careful not to downplay the need for moderation and the importance of traditional forms of learning too much.
Task Achievement
You have clearly stated your agree/disagree position in the introduction and have maintained this viewpoint throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the overall argument.
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