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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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A glance at the pie chart given illustrates the major reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 less productive
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agricultural
land
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the table given displays the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
causes
Use synonyms
 impacted three regions in the world, particularly North America, Europe, and Oceania, in the 1990s. The Oceania contains Australia and New Zealand. Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-grazing attained the first position for
causes
Use synonyms
 of
land
Use synonyms
 degradation in the world,
while
Linking Words
 other
causes
Use synonyms
 took the
last
Linking Words
 spot.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Europe obtained
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place for
region
Add an article
the region
a region
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
Use synonyms
degraded
Add a missing verb
was degraded
show examples
 by 23%,
while
Linking Words
 North America got the
last
Linking Words
 position by 5%. From an initial figure, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 degradation in the world were over-grazing by 35%,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 by 30%,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 by 28%, and other
causes
Use synonyms
 by 7%, respectively. From the next figure, Europe took the first place which contained
deforestation
Use synonyms
 by 9.8%,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 by 7.7%, and over-grazing by 5.5%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the second place was Oceania that contained over-grazing by 11.3% and
deforestation
Use synonyms
 by 10.7%. It is interesting to see that in
this
Linking Words
 area, there was no
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 spot was North America,
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 its
deforestation
Use synonyms
only
Change preposition
of only
show examples
 0.2%, over-grazing by 1.5%, and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 by 3.3%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, causes, deforestation, over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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