IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

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There is no doubt that
children
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 should be encouraged by their
parents
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 to read more
books
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instead
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 of watching TV or playing computer
games
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.
While
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this
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 may be partly true, I believe that there should be no
such
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 extreme prohibition because each activity has its own benefits. In
this
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 essay, both perspectives will be examined, followed by a personal opinion. On the one hand, reading
books
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 plays a crucial role in
children
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's intellectual development.
Books
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 help improve vocabulary, enhance critical thinking skills, and stimulate imagination, all of which are essential for academic success.
Additionally
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, reading fosters concentration and patience, which are valuable qualities in today’s fast-paced digital world.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should create a reading-friendly environment and encourage their
children
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 to develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 from an early age.
On the other hand
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, watching TV and playing computer
games
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also
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 offer certain benefits. Educational programs and documentaries provide
children
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 with valuable knowledge about science, history, and culture in an engaging way.
Likewise
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, some video
games
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 improve problem-solving skills, hand-eye coordination, and strategic thinking. Rather than imposing strict limits,
parents
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 should guide their
children
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 to choose high-quality content and set reasonable screen time to maintain a healthy balance. In conclusion,
while
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 reading
books
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 is undeniably beneficial, banning television and video
games
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 completely is unnecessary.
Instead
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, a balanced approach that incorporates both reading and digital entertainment is more effective in fostering
children
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's cognitive and social development. By setting clear boundaries and offering appropriate guidance,
parents
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 can help their
children
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 benefit from both traditional and modern forms of learning.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps the reader understand what to expect from your essay.

task achievement

You provided a solid analysis of the benefits of both reading and screen time, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

You have made a clear and well-rounded argument by presenting both sides of the issue and concluding with a balanced perspective. To improve, you could include more specific examples or studies that support your points on the benefits of reading or digital activities.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is structured logically with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph has a main idea, but you could enhance coherence by using more linking words to improve the flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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