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Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Ainazym

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Science
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 plays a crucial role in modern society, helping and influencing
people
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 in different ways. Some believe that the main aim of
science
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 must be to improve
people
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’s
lives
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,
while
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 others think that scientific
research
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 should focus on gaining new discoveries in military technology.
This
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 essay agrees that the main purpose of
science
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 should be to help and promote
individual’s
Change noun form
individual
show examples
lives
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. One reason why
science
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 should focus on human well-being is its impact on health and daily life. Medical
research
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 has led to new treatments, vaccines, and better healthcare, helping
people
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 live longer and healthier
lives
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.
For example
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, when there was a global pandemic which caused the death of millions of
people
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, scientists and doctors from
over
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all over
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 the world were working hard to discover the treatment for the virus,
then
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 they got
vaccine
Correct article usage
a vaccine
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 which helped citizens to prevent the disease.
In addition
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, technology has made life easier through innovations in transport, communication, and energy. These developments show how
science
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 directly benefits society.
On the other hand
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, some scientific
research
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 is not concentrated on promoting public
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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,
instead
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, its major purpose is to gain power for the nation, which can ultimately harm the world.
For instance
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, in 1945, there was
terrible
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a terrible
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 tragedy that killed millions of
people
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 in one day and changed the state of the whole world and
science
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. It was the first time when a nuclear weapon was used which was invented by Oppenheimer, he was the great scientist who invented the most powerful and greatest weapon, but at the same time, he became the destroyer of
Correct article usage
the worlds
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worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
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. In conclusion, the main goal of
science
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 should be to improve human
lives
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 because it leads to progress in medicine and technology.
However
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, scientific
research
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 should be limited
for
Change preposition
to
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 negative goals and controlled by
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
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 of
Science
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.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly state your position on the topic and outlining the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your points more explicitly. For example, use linking words to show the relationship between your ideas and how they contribute to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body paragraph, clarify the connection between the example of the nuclear weapon and your argument. It would be helpful to explicitly state how this ties back to your main claim about science's aim.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and offers relevant points supporting your argument.
task achievement
You have used some examples effectively to illustrate your points, particularly in relation to medical advancements and their benefits.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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