IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Your child is going on a three day school trip to another country. The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter: Say why you would like to go on the trip Suggest what you could do to help during the trip Ask other questions about the trip

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Dear Teacher Chris, Hello, My name is Panita, Courtney’s mom.
Regard
Change preposition
With regard
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 to your announcement of
parent
Correct article usage
the parent
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 requirement to go with
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 trip group in Japan next month, I would like to volunteer myself to take care of your group. I am a housewife and have
very
Add an article
a very
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 flexible schedule so I think I could support your school trip unconditionally.
Due to
Linking Words
 my
child
Change noun form
child's
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 health condition, She needs
an
Remove the article
apply
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extra care.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I need to look after my child as much as
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 kids in
this
Linking Words
 room. For your information, I used to work in Japan for a year and took
N3
Correct article usage
the N3
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 level of
Japanese
Add an article
the Japanese
a Japanese
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 language test. I could communicate in Japan so I think
this
Linking Words
 is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 to coordinate with local people and guide
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 as well.
However
Linking Words
, I would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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really appreciate
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
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 you
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 welcome. Please feel free to
context
Verb problem
contact
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 me back if you need any help. Sincerely, Panita S.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring your paragraphs to focus on a single idea each, which will improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Make sure to use correct punctuation and grammar for a more formal tone. For example, 'Due to my child health condition' should be 'Due to my child's health condition'.
task achievement
It would be helpful to ask specific questions regarding the trip itinerary, accommodations, or safety measures to demonstrate thorough engagement.
task achievement
You clearly expressed your desire to join the trip and provided relevant personal background that supports your suitability, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your offer to assist the group because of your flexibility as a housewife shows a strong willingness to contribute, which is a positive aspect of your letter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enthusiastic
  • valuable experience
  • expertise
  • educational objectives
  • supervision
  • ensure safety
  • bonding
  • workshops
  • logistics
  • coordinates
  • travel arrangements
  • clear communication
  • support
  • responsibilities
  • manage schedules
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