IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 competitive world, most of the
parents
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to succeed in their life. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is
pressure
Use synonyms
 from the
scociety
Correct your spelling
society
 and fear of facing challenges in life. I totally agree that today's
parents
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 are pushing
children
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 out of their limits to achieve a goal. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
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 are imposing their
unfullfilled
Correct your spelling
unfulfilled
 dreams
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, my father wanted to pursue
his
Change the word
a
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 career in
medical
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the medical
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 field, but
due to
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 financial
circumstances
Add a comma
circumstances,
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 he could not achieve it. So, he insisted
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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become a doctor but
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not care about my passion and goal.
Moreover
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,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of
parents
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 in the country are spending lakhs
for
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on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
's primary studies and
instill
Wrong verb form
instilling
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 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood. Many students are overwhelmed
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age because of goals and commitments. Over
the
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apply
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time, few young people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 affected
with
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by
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 mental illness
due to
Linking Words
pressure
Use synonyms
 from
parents
Use synonyms
. So,
parents
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 should find the child's interest
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age and nurture them towards that goal. Another important reason is some
parents
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 do not want their
children
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 to undergo challenges in future. So, they
pressure
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 their
children
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 and want them to succeed early. Whether it is sports or education, success and failure are part of the journey.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
parents
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 fear
children
Use synonyms
's failure.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
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 survey from California University states that 70 percent of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 desires to succeed at the age of 25
due to
Linking Words
 family
pressure
Use synonyms
. Some
children
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 believe that early success and achievement
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 needed to start a family. These ideas are transferred from
parents
Use synonyms
 to
children
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. In conclusion, I totally agree that today's
parents
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 are pressuring their
children
Use synonyms
 to succeed in life.
Parents
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 should spend time with
children
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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identify their skills and
then
Linking Words
 help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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master
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should be encouraging and supportive to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
children
Use synonyms
's
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly using distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
Make sure to refine your language and correct any spelling errors, such as 'scociety' and 'unfullfilled'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, as it makes your argument stronger and more relatable.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant points that reflect the pressures on children in contemporary society, showing understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
What to do next:
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